As with physical exercise, the effects of meditation are cumulative. When we go to the gym and work out for an hour, we don't really see any change in our bodies at the end of the hour. If we go every day for thirty days, however, then we do see a change. So it is with meditation. And sometimes, we're not the ones who can see the change as much as others can. We might not even be aware of how much the quality of our energy, the invisible emanations of our minds, affect our environment and the people within it. But others do. And they respond accordingly.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles www.oprah.com
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The power inside
"When an egg breaks by a power outside, a life ends. When an egg breaks by a power inside, a life begins. Great things always begin from the power inside!"
Monday, June 23, 2008
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is, many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
From "Look me in the eye" - Caryl's Story with Anita le Roux. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is, many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
From "Look me in the eye" - Caryl's Story with Anita le Roux. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Faith
It's easy to have faith when things are going well. But there are times in everyone's life when we have to fly on instruments, just like a pilot making a landing in low visibility. He knows the land is there, but he can't see it. He must trust his instruments to navigate for him. And so it is with us, when things aren't what we'd like them to be. We know that life is always in process, and always on its way to greater good. We just can't see that. During those times, we rely on our spiritual radar to navigate for us. We trust there's a happy ending. By our faith, through our trust, we invoke its proof.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles www.oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles www.oprah.com
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Inspirational Speaker
I am Caryl Wyatt, a middle-aged woman from the Northern Suburbs of Johannesburg. In the past, I have spoken publicly about my struggle with bulimia and I am no newcomer to the therapeutic power contained in the interaction between speaker and listeners.
It is this knowledge that inspired me to gather the courage and break silence about the violently abusive marriage I was trapped in for 15 years.
I had been beaten up many times. I had broken bones, blue eyes, split lips, grazed flesh, many “visits” to the hospital, to the lawyers, to the police station, isolation and treatment for depression - and still I would go back for more!
Through my own life experience I have become painfully aware of the fact that there are sadly many, many more women caught up in this macabre dance than we care to admit. They are rendered powerless by an awful paradox - they are afraid to loose their “security”; and at the same time it is their provider that threatens their lives.
I have also come to realize that neither the educated doctors who have attended to my injuries over the years, nor the divorce attorneys, seem to understand the nature of this beast. These professionals are the ones that women like me reach out to.
My quest for a “cure” lead me to do much research on the subject and brought me to the ironic realization that you alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.
In September 2006 I launched the Abuse is no Excuse campaign with my website, www.abusenoexcuse.co.za. The site is intended to support, educate and give hope to women who are trapped in abusive relationships. It contains a message forum for users to communicate with each other, and several links to other relevant sites. My own story is posted on the site as Carleedancer and my book LOOK ME IN THE EYE is available both in Exclusive book stores around the country and on the website.
Other services that I offer in this regard are -
• Public Speaking – I make myself available to tell my story to as many audiences as possible, in the effort to remove the culturally induced stigma of domestic violence and abusive relationships amongst the middle to upper income group. It’s not a shame – it is a mistake. Denial is the real killer in the end. In the corporate world, the subject is ‘ Coping with domestic turmoil when talking to working people’.
• Therapeutic Journaling Workshops - As part of my own recovery process, I learnt the skill of creating mental and emotional health through journaling. I offer workshops to teach participants a creative way of responding to their given situations. These workshops are also available to Corporate and have great value in helping people to become more aware of them selves and achieve balance in both their personal and professional lives. We all know about goal setting and visualization but few people know the value of journaling and how it can help us make all our dreams a reality.
For more information, please contact Caryl Wyatt
Cell : 083 380 7299
E-Mail :carylw3@mweb.co.za
CARYL WYATT:
PUBLIC SPEAKER – carylw3@mweb.co.za
JOURNALING WORKSHOPS – carylw3@mweb.co.za
INVITATIONS:
Hand made invitations for weddings, menus, place names for table settings, birthdays, corporate functions and calligraphy on certificates.
Email invitations, which would be attached to a normal email.
Fees will depend on quantities and materials used.
PHOTOGRAPHIC ART:
Photo art is done in PHOTO SHOP. Photo’s can either be improved or changed altogether. Before and after photo’s are available as examples. Please email me, carylw3@mweb.co.za.
PHOTO BOOKS:
‘My photo book’ is a personalized coffee table book with all your favorite photo’s. We all love collecting photo’s but very few people get to enjoy them and share them with friends. These books are a wonderful way of sharing those memories with others. The program for this book is available at most photographic outlets, but most people do not have the time to put these books together with artistic flare.
These are just a few idea’s:
Wedding albums.
Baby books.
My life story.
Holidays.
Gifts for:
Mothers Day.
Fathers Day.
Birthdays
21st Birthday
Christmas.
Kitchen Tea.
Baby Shower.
The price for these books will depend on a couple of factors, and will be discussed with the first consultation.
1. The size of the book.
2. How many pages the book will contain.
3. The book can be a hard or soft cover.
4. The photo’s might need to be corrected in photo shop.
I am also available to tutor anyone who would like to learn how to use this program and assist in putting a book together.
ARTIST.
Affordable art for anyone who likes originals and does not have the funds to purchase investment art.
PRICES:
Depending on the size, material, and the time needed my paintings range from R1000- R20,000.
MAKE-UP ARTIST:
Two of my daughters and my self are make up artists. We do Weddings, Glamour workshops and Photographic make up.
For further information please contact:
Caryl – 083 380 7299 or carylw3@mweb.co.za
HAND WRITING ANALIST:
Accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference.
In 2001 I completed my studies in Johannesburg with Silvana Grandin at GRAFEX which is accredited with the Pretoria Technicon. There are several different fields that a qualified hand writing analyst could consider specializing, human resources, children, psychological counseling and relationships, I have chosen to do the latter. Forensic work is a separate course all together and is a very specialized field of expertise.
I have attracted two abusive marriages and spent many years in counseling but I was never able to understand, why I was making the choice in the first place and why I chose to stay in such unhealthy relationships. I wanted to study handwriting so that I could understand people, but in the process I learnt to understand myself. Once I had qualified and I was able to analyze the handwriting of the relationships I had been in, it was very obvious to me where the problems were. I soon realized that nothing I could do or say would ever change the personality or the behaviour of the person I was with, as a result I was able to work on myself and break the cycle of abuse.
Analyzing hand writing is not fortune telling, that must be made very clear from the start and an analyst is not a clairvoyant. Nothing in a person’s hand writing can tell you what will happen tomorrow, we are all responsible for our own choices, but the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. There are many things that can be changed in our behavior provided the desire is there, but often in relationships both parties expect the changes to come from the other person.
Handwriting is unique to every individual as no two fingerprints are the same. Consider that neither a polygraph, astrological sign or sexual preference are admissible in court in order to find someone guilty, but Handwriting analysis is a science and is used in court all the time.
All handwriting can be analyzed but I have the following specific requirements in order to do a proper analysis.
1. A full page of writing on unlined paper.
2. Paper should be resting on a magazine or pad of paper and not on a flat hard surface.
3. The writing must be done with a pen or pencil that the person would normally use, leaving no excuse for not liking the ink, colour or brand of pen.
4. The writer should sit facing the table and not write on ones lap for example.
5. Permission from the writer.
My fee for each analysis is R450 and an extra R250 if a consultation afterwards is required.
My Contact details:
Caryl 083 380 7299, carylw3@mweb.co.za
www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Happiness
Usually we figure out what we think would make us happy, and then try to make those things happen. But happiness isn't circumstance-dependent. There are people who have every reason in the world to be happy who aren't. There are people with genuine problems who are. The key to happiness is the decision to be happy.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Oprah.com
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Qualities of successful people
Qualities of successful people:
1.They look for and find opportunities where others see nothing.
2. They find lessons while others only see problems.
3. They are solution focused.
4. They consciously and methodically create their own success.
5. They may be fearful, but they are not controlled or limited by fear.
6. They ask the right questions -- the ones which put them in a positive mindset and emotional state.
7. They rarely complain.
8. They don’t blame, and take complete responsibility for their actions and outcomes.
9. They always find a way to maximize their potential, and use what they have effectively.
10. They are busy, productive and proactive.
11. They align themselves with like-minded people.
12. They are ambitious.
13. They have clarity and certainty about what they want.
14. They innovate instead of imitate.
15. They don’t procrastinate.
16. They are life-long learners.
17. They are glass half full people, while still being practical and down-to-earth.
18. They consistently do what they need to do, regardless of how they are feeling on a given day.
19. They take calculated risks.
20. They deal with problems quickly and effectively.
21. They don’t believe in, or wait for, fate, destiny, chance or luck.
22. They take action before they have to.
23. They are more effective than most at managing their emotions.
24. They are good communicators.
25. They have a plan for their life and they work methodically to turn that plan into a reality.
26. They become exceptional by choice.
27. They work through the tough stuff that most would avoid.
28. They have identified what is important to them and they do their best to live a life which is reflective of those values.
29. They have balance. They know that money is a tool and ultimately, it’s just another resource.
30. They understand the importance of discipline and self-control.
31. They are secure in their sense of self-worth.
32. They are generous and kind.
33. They are happy to admit mistakes and apologize.
34. They are adaptable and embrace change.
35. They keep themselves in shape physically.
36. They work hard and are not lazy.
37. They are resilient.
38. They are open to, and more likely to act upon, feedback.
39. They don’t hang out with toxic people.
40. They don’t invest time or emotional energy into uncontrollable things.
41. They are happy to swim against the tide.
42. They comfortable with their own company.
43. They set high standards for themselves.
44. They don’t rationalize failure.
45. They know how to relax, enjoy what they have in their life and to have fun.
46. Their career is not their identity, it’s their job.
47. They are more interested in what is effective than in what is easy.
48. They finish what they start.
49. They realize that not only are they physical and psychological beings, but emotional and spiritual creatures as well.
50. They practice what they preach.
1.They look for and find opportunities where others see nothing.
2. They find lessons while others only see problems.
3. They are solution focused.
4. They consciously and methodically create their own success.
5. They may be fearful, but they are not controlled or limited by fear.
6. They ask the right questions -- the ones which put them in a positive mindset and emotional state.
7. They rarely complain.
8. They don’t blame, and take complete responsibility for their actions and outcomes.
9. They always find a way to maximize their potential, and use what they have effectively.
10. They are busy, productive and proactive.
11. They align themselves with like-minded people.
12. They are ambitious.
13. They have clarity and certainty about what they want.
14. They innovate instead of imitate.
15. They don’t procrastinate.
16. They are life-long learners.
17. They are glass half full people, while still being practical and down-to-earth.
18. They consistently do what they need to do, regardless of how they are feeling on a given day.
19. They take calculated risks.
20. They deal with problems quickly and effectively.
21. They don’t believe in, or wait for, fate, destiny, chance or luck.
22. They take action before they have to.
23. They are more effective than most at managing their emotions.
24. They are good communicators.
25. They have a plan for their life and they work methodically to turn that plan into a reality.
26. They become exceptional by choice.
27. They work through the tough stuff that most would avoid.
28. They have identified what is important to them and they do their best to live a life which is reflective of those values.
29. They have balance. They know that money is a tool and ultimately, it’s just another resource.
30. They understand the importance of discipline and self-control.
31. They are secure in their sense of self-worth.
32. They are generous and kind.
33. They are happy to admit mistakes and apologize.
34. They are adaptable and embrace change.
35. They keep themselves in shape physically.
36. They work hard and are not lazy.
37. They are resilient.
38. They are open to, and more likely to act upon, feedback.
39. They don’t hang out with toxic people.
40. They don’t invest time or emotional energy into uncontrollable things.
41. They are happy to swim against the tide.
42. They comfortable with their own company.
43. They set high standards for themselves.
44. They don’t rationalize failure.
45. They know how to relax, enjoy what they have in their life and to have fun.
46. Their career is not their identity, it’s their job.
47. They are more interested in what is effective than in what is easy.
48. They finish what they start.
49. They realize that not only are they physical and psychological beings, but emotional and spiritual creatures as well.
50. They practice what they preach.
Beautiful Christian Sister
BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
by Maya Angelou
'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
by Maya Angelou
'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The greatest gift
The greatest gift we can give to a person in pain is to hold in our own minds the thought that there is a light beyond this darkness. What goes on externally is only the tip of the iceberg in any situation. The lessons, the real changes, the opportunities to grow--these are things the body's eyes can't see. They remain beneath the spiritual water line, but they are there. And they represent a much more vast picture of the soul's journey than what we can see from the perspective of our physical senses. Growth is not always about getting what we think we want. Always, it's about becoming the men and women we have the potential to be. Loving, pure, honest, clear.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
www.oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
www.oprah.com
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the ultimate preventative medicine as well as the greatest healer. We heal the body by remembering that it is not who we really are. We are spirits and not bodies, we are eternally healthy and we are incapable of sickness. These are merely statements of the truth about ourselves, and it is always truth that sets us free.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
www.oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
www.oprah.com
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Smooth roads
Smooth roads never make good drivers. Smooth seas never make good sailors. Clear skies never make good pilots. A problem free life never makes a strong and good person. Have a tough but winning day ahead! Be strong enough to accept the challenges of life. Do not ask life, 'why me?' instead say, 'Try me'.
I selected this one for those people who sometimes in life, after losing a minor thing, start thinking to lose their life. They become a pessimist. I just want to deliver the message that life is too short and it's very beautiful. Try to look at its positive and brighter sides rather than its darker face.
I selected this one for those people who sometimes in life, after losing a minor thing, start thinking to lose their life. They become a pessimist. I just want to deliver the message that life is too short and it's very beautiful. Try to look at its positive and brighter sides rather than its darker face.
Looking back
"Looking back... When you're looking back, only do so to take the lesson you learned, not to dwell. Be grateful for the experience even if it caused you pain, because it brought you wisdom. Be happy for the lessons for they bring blessings. Keep your eyes on the future, your being in the present, your gratitude in the NOW, and the rest, just let go"
Monday, June 2, 2008
Signs of abuse
Sometimes it is difficult and confusing to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or to find a way out, but there are clear signs to help you know if you are being abused.
Taken From: Abuse.com
If the person you love or live with does any of these things to you, it's time to get help:
Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things.
Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.
Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
Controls all the money you spend.
Humiliates you in front of others.
Destroys your property or things that you care about.
Threatens to hurt you or the children or pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).
Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
Forces you to have sex against your will.
Blames you for his/her violent outbursts.
Taken From: Abuse.com
If the person you love or live with does any of these things to you, it's time to get help:
Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things.
Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.
Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
Controls all the money you spend.
Humiliates you in front of others.
Destroys your property or things that you care about.
Threatens to hurt you or the children or pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).
Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
Forces you to have sex against your will.
Blames you for his/her violent outbursts.
Abusive men - the red flags
When Hedda Nussbaum was a young, single woman living with a roommate in a New York City brownstone, she heard a ruckus outside her building one night and peered out the window to see a neighbor in her bathrobe, refusing to go back inside until the police arrived.
Taken From. Oprah.com
The woman's husband, known to be a heavy drinker, turned out to be abusive. "The next day," Nussbaum recalls, "I was absolutely shocked to find that she came back. I remember saying, 'If my husband ever hit me, even once, I'd be out that door and never come back.' And that's what everybody thinks, until it happens to you."
It is incongruous that Nussbaum would herself become the iconic face of domestic violence, a woman who—years after her notorious case—many still find hard to understand or absolve. In 1989 her long-term partner, Joel Steinberg, was convicted of manslaughter after beating their illegally adopted 6-year-old daughter into a coma; another illegally adopted toddler, found tethered to his crib, was returned to his birth mother. Prosecutors dropped the original murder charges against Nussbaum, her body a testament to years of severe abuse. Today, after spending a lot of time in therapy and working in the domestic violence field, Nussbaum has some clarity about the way Steinberg seized control of her.
It would be wonderful if Nussbaum was an anomaly, but her experience is all too common. "When a woman's assailant is an intimate partner or ex-partner, the injury rate is around 52 percent; and when the assailant is a stranger, the rate is about 20 percent, according to our research," says Ron Acierno, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center at the Medical University of South Carolina. "So if someone's going to beat the crap out of you, odds are, you'll be better off if it's a stranger." These guys do not come with warning labels, but Nussbaum now thinks she can spot an abusive man, or at least a controlling man with a capacity for abuse.
Nussbaum's List of Red Flags:
He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away.
He hates his mother and is nasty to her.
He wants your undivided attention.
He must always be in charge.
He always has to win.
He breaks promises all the time.
He can't take criticism and always justifies his actions.
He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong.
He's jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men.
He always asks you where you went and whom you saw.
He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable.
He has a mean temper.
He often says you don't know what you're talking about.
He makes you feel like you're not good enough.
He withdraws his love or approval as punishment.
He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.
Taken From. Oprah.com
The woman's husband, known to be a heavy drinker, turned out to be abusive. "The next day," Nussbaum recalls, "I was absolutely shocked to find that she came back. I remember saying, 'If my husband ever hit me, even once, I'd be out that door and never come back.' And that's what everybody thinks, until it happens to you."
It is incongruous that Nussbaum would herself become the iconic face of domestic violence, a woman who—years after her notorious case—many still find hard to understand or absolve. In 1989 her long-term partner, Joel Steinberg, was convicted of manslaughter after beating their illegally adopted 6-year-old daughter into a coma; another illegally adopted toddler, found tethered to his crib, was returned to his birth mother. Prosecutors dropped the original murder charges against Nussbaum, her body a testament to years of severe abuse. Today, after spending a lot of time in therapy and working in the domestic violence field, Nussbaum has some clarity about the way Steinberg seized control of her.
It would be wonderful if Nussbaum was an anomaly, but her experience is all too common. "When a woman's assailant is an intimate partner or ex-partner, the injury rate is around 52 percent; and when the assailant is a stranger, the rate is about 20 percent, according to our research," says Ron Acierno, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center at the Medical University of South Carolina. "So if someone's going to beat the crap out of you, odds are, you'll be better off if it's a stranger." These guys do not come with warning labels, but Nussbaum now thinks she can spot an abusive man, or at least a controlling man with a capacity for abuse.
Nussbaum's List of Red Flags:
He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away.
He hates his mother and is nasty to her.
He wants your undivided attention.
He must always be in charge.
He always has to win.
He breaks promises all the time.
He can't take criticism and always justifies his actions.
He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong.
He's jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men.
He always asks you where you went and whom you saw.
He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable.
He has a mean temper.
He often says you don't know what you're talking about.
He makes you feel like you're not good enough.
He withdraws his love or approval as punishment.
He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.
Coping strategy
Coping Strategy #1: Keep a journal in a safe place where your abuser will not find it. Write down all the ways that you are being abused. Financial control, emotional put-downs, isolation, threats, control, and any physical violence or threats to you, pets, property or someone you love.
Kathy quickly lost her support system and thus did not have anyone to help guide her through her troubled relationship. Victims of domestic violence need to rebuild a support system.
Coping Strategy #2: Build a support system, get a therapist, and go to a support group. Tell at least 2-3 people the honest story about what is happening in your relationship.
Kathy stayed in the relationship hoping it would get better. Abuse is progressive and always get worse over time. Kathy was not aware of community resources and she did not plan for the abuse to occur again. She saw each episode as an isolated incident that she believed (and naively hoped) that it would never occur again.
Coping Strategy #3: Get out of the relationship! If you are not yet strong enough to get out, create a safety plan, but work on trying to get out!
Kathy was afraid and over time began to doubt her rights to have a safe, healthy and happy relationship.
Coping Strategy #4: Realize that you deserve healthy, happy relationships and abuse is against the law.
Another challenge that Kathy faced is that she gradually gave up more and more of her control over her own life. She even turned her business over to her husband.
Coping Strategy #5: Empower yourself with new skills, knowledge and creativity. Do not give up control over things you can do for yourself.
Domestic abuse is ultimately fatal to the body, mind and spirit. Yet there is reason to hope. Many women have found their way out of violent relationships and have rebuilt their lives. They can find happy, healthy relationships.
Staying in the relationship for the sake of the children is not a good excuse. Witnessing domestic violence is now considered a form of child abuse that is prosecuted in many states.
This article suggests a few things that you can do to begin your healing and recovery process. Do not delay. Call a therapist that is experienced in dealing with domestic violence and begin your new life as soon as possible.
Kathy quickly lost her support system and thus did not have anyone to help guide her through her troubled relationship. Victims of domestic violence need to rebuild a support system.
Coping Strategy #2: Build a support system, get a therapist, and go to a support group. Tell at least 2-3 people the honest story about what is happening in your relationship.
Kathy stayed in the relationship hoping it would get better. Abuse is progressive and always get worse over time. Kathy was not aware of community resources and she did not plan for the abuse to occur again. She saw each episode as an isolated incident that she believed (and naively hoped) that it would never occur again.
Coping Strategy #3: Get out of the relationship! If you are not yet strong enough to get out, create a safety plan, but work on trying to get out!
Kathy was afraid and over time began to doubt her rights to have a safe, healthy and happy relationship.
Coping Strategy #4: Realize that you deserve healthy, happy relationships and abuse is against the law.
Another challenge that Kathy faced is that she gradually gave up more and more of her control over her own life. She even turned her business over to her husband.
Coping Strategy #5: Empower yourself with new skills, knowledge and creativity. Do not give up control over things you can do for yourself.
Domestic abuse is ultimately fatal to the body, mind and spirit. Yet there is reason to hope. Many women have found their way out of violent relationships and have rebuilt their lives. They can find happy, healthy relationships.
Staying in the relationship for the sake of the children is not a good excuse. Witnessing domestic violence is now considered a form of child abuse that is prosecuted in many states.
This article suggests a few things that you can do to begin your healing and recovery process. Do not delay. Call a therapist that is experienced in dealing with domestic violence and begin your new life as soon as possible.
What to take when you leave an abuser
A Planning Checklist
Here are some helpful items to get together when you are planning on leaving an abusive situation. Keep these items in a safe place until you are ready to leave, or if you need to leave suddenly. If you have children, take them. And take your pets too (if you can).
Taken From: Abuse.com
Identification for yourself and your children
1. birth certificates
2. social security cards (or numbers written on paper if you can't find the cards)
3. driver's license
4. photo identification or passports
5. welfare identification
6. green card
Important personal papers
1. marriage certificate
2. divorce papers
3. custody orders
4. legal protection or restraining orders
5. health insurance papers and medical cards
6. medical records for all family members
7. children's school records
8. investment papers/records and account numbers
9. work permits
10. immigration papers
11. rental agreement/lease or house deed
12. car title, registration, and insurance information
Funds
1. cash
2. credit cards
3. ATM card
4. checkbook and bankbook (with deposit slips)
Keys
1. house
2. car
3. safety deposit box or post office box
A way to communicate
1. phone calling card
2. cell phone
3. address book
Medications
1. at least 1 month's supply for all medicines you and your children are taking, as well as a copy of the prescriptions
A way to get by
1. jewelry or small objects you can sell, if you run out of money or stop having access to your accounts
Things to help you cope
1. pictures
2. keepsakes
3. children's small toys or books
Here are some helpful items to get together when you are planning on leaving an abusive situation. Keep these items in a safe place until you are ready to leave, or if you need to leave suddenly. If you have children, take them. And take your pets too (if you can).
Taken From: Abuse.com
Identification for yourself and your children
1. birth certificates
2. social security cards (or numbers written on paper if you can't find the cards)
3. driver's license
4. photo identification or passports
5. welfare identification
6. green card
Important personal papers
1. marriage certificate
2. divorce papers
3. custody orders
4. legal protection or restraining orders
5. health insurance papers and medical cards
6. medical records for all family members
7. children's school records
8. investment papers/records and account numbers
9. work permits
10. immigration papers
11. rental agreement/lease or house deed
12. car title, registration, and insurance information
Funds
1. cash
2. credit cards
3. ATM card
4. checkbook and bankbook (with deposit slips)
Keys
1. house
2. car
3. safety deposit box or post office box
A way to communicate
1. phone calling card
2. cell phone
3. address book
Medications
1. at least 1 month's supply for all medicines you and your children are taking, as well as a copy of the prescriptions
A way to get by
1. jewelry or small objects you can sell, if you run out of money or stop having access to your accounts
Things to help you cope
1. pictures
2. keepsakes
3. children's small toys or books
A course in miracles from Oprah.com
An individual body is physically small and vulnerable in relation to the rest of the universe, and so, since we think we are bodies, we experience ourselves as small and vulnerable. Living within the realization that we are much more than bodies, that we are spirits within the mind of God, expands the level of our awareness and places us outside the limitations of ordinary physical law. This correction of our perception, this Atonement, is our healing.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
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