Verbal Abuse: How to Save Yourself
How to save yourself from a bad guy: an interview with author Patricia Evans.
By Annie Gottlieb
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
How many women think of that schoolyard rhyme while reeling from a partner's put-downs or angry outbursts? The rhyme's a lie, says Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Cruel words can do worse than break bones: They can break your spirit, cripple your confidence, even make you physically ill.
"This can happen to any woman, with any family background or career," she says. "It's happened to psychologists, lawyers, doctors, teachers, Web designers, mommies—even the director of a women's shelter." A woman falls into the trap because the abuse takes her by surprise. "He isn't abusive while he's courting you," Evans says. "But once he gets you, he switches—and you have no idea why."
Evans proposes a persuasive reason in her new book, Controlling People: An abuser needs to see you as his dream woman, an extension of himself—so the real, spontaneous, separate you becomes the enemy. That's why you get a double message: "I love you" ... "You bitch." And that's why verbal abuse is all about undermining and definining you.
Seven Signs You're In A Verbally Abusive Relationship
He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week. When you ask why he's mad, he either denies it or tells you it's in some way your fault.
When you feel hurt and try to talk with him, the issues never get resolved. He might refuse to discuss your upset feelings by saying, "You're just trying to start an argument!" or claiming he has no idea what you're talking about.
You frequently feel frustrated because you can't get him to understand your intentions.
You're upset—not so much about concrete issues like how much time to spend together, but about communication: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.
You sometimes think, "What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel so bad."
He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything, and his opinion isn't stated as, "I think ..." but as if you're wrong and he's right.
You can't recall saying, "Cut it out!" or "Stop it!"
Friday, May 30, 2008
No one escapes the effects of abuse - www.Oprah.com
No One Escapes the Effects of Abuse
Dr. Steven Stosny explains that not only the the spouse, but everyone in a family is affected by emotional abuse.
Everyone in an abusive family loses some degree of dignity and autonomy (the ability to decide one's own thoughts, feelings and behavior).
At least half of victims, abusers and children in abusive families suffer from clinical anxiety and/or depression. ("Clinical" means that it interferes with normal functioning.)
Most victims, abusers and children lack genuine self-esteem.
Emotional abuse is usually more psychologically damaging than physical abuse.
Abuse tends to get worse without intervention from someone outside the family.
Witnessing abuse makes a child 10 times more likely to become either an abuser or a victim of abuse. As adults, they are at increased risk of alcoholism, criminality, mental health problems and poverty.
Symptoms of children in abusive families include one or more of the following: depression (looks like chronic boredom), anxiety, school problems, aggressiveness, hyperactivity, low self-esteem, over emotionality (anger, excitability or frequent crying) or no emotions at all.
Witnessing a parent victimized is usually more psychologically damaging to children than injuries from direct child abuse. Seeing a parent abused is child abuse.
Symptoms of victims and abusers often include one or more of the following:
-Trouble sleeping
-Frequent periods of sadness and crying
-Continual worry, anxiety or excessive anger
-Obsessions (thoughts you cant get out of your mind)
-Confusion/impaired decision-making.
How to Get Your Angry or Abusive Man to Change
I have been contacted by many men who saw the show on the emotional abuse of wives and have been inspired to seek help. But I must say that before the show, only a handful of the more than 4,000 angry and abusive men I have treated sought help on their own, without their wives or the courts pressuring them. That's because their addiction to blame makes them think that they are merely reacting to everybody else.
The hard fact is, you may have to leave your husband to motivate him to change. If he is violent or threatens violence, call the police or file for a civil protection order. (Most communities have domestic violence hotlines to help you.) Leaving or calling the police may seem drastic, but they are the most compassionate things you can do. Your tough-love demands are likely to be the only way to help him stop the behavior that makes him lose his humanity as he harms you and your children.
More from Dr. Stosny
You are not the cause of his anger and abuse
How to know if your spouse is willing to change
How do you know your spouse has changed?
Simple ways to reconnect with your spouse
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Founder, CompassionPower
www.compassionpower.com
Books:
Manual of the Core Value Workshop
The Powerful Self: A Workbook of Therapeutic Self-Empowerment
Dr. Steven Stosny explains that not only the the spouse, but everyone in a family is affected by emotional abuse.
Everyone in an abusive family loses some degree of dignity and autonomy (the ability to decide one's own thoughts, feelings and behavior).
At least half of victims, abusers and children in abusive families suffer from clinical anxiety and/or depression. ("Clinical" means that it interferes with normal functioning.)
Most victims, abusers and children lack genuine self-esteem.
Emotional abuse is usually more psychologically damaging than physical abuse.
Abuse tends to get worse without intervention from someone outside the family.
Witnessing abuse makes a child 10 times more likely to become either an abuser or a victim of abuse. As adults, they are at increased risk of alcoholism, criminality, mental health problems and poverty.
Symptoms of children in abusive families include one or more of the following: depression (looks like chronic boredom), anxiety, school problems, aggressiveness, hyperactivity, low self-esteem, over emotionality (anger, excitability or frequent crying) or no emotions at all.
Witnessing a parent victimized is usually more psychologically damaging to children than injuries from direct child abuse. Seeing a parent abused is child abuse.
Symptoms of victims and abusers often include one or more of the following:
-Trouble sleeping
-Frequent periods of sadness and crying
-Continual worry, anxiety or excessive anger
-Obsessions (thoughts you cant get out of your mind)
-Confusion/impaired decision-making.
How to Get Your Angry or Abusive Man to Change
I have been contacted by many men who saw the show on the emotional abuse of wives and have been inspired to seek help. But I must say that before the show, only a handful of the more than 4,000 angry and abusive men I have treated sought help on their own, without their wives or the courts pressuring them. That's because their addiction to blame makes them think that they are merely reacting to everybody else.
The hard fact is, you may have to leave your husband to motivate him to change. If he is violent or threatens violence, call the police or file for a civil protection order. (Most communities have domestic violence hotlines to help you.) Leaving or calling the police may seem drastic, but they are the most compassionate things you can do. Your tough-love demands are likely to be the only way to help him stop the behavior that makes him lose his humanity as he harms you and your children.
More from Dr. Stosny
You are not the cause of his anger and abuse
How to know if your spouse is willing to change
How do you know your spouse has changed?
Simple ways to reconnect with your spouse
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Founder, CompassionPower
www.compassionpower.com
Books:
Manual of the Core Value Workshop
The Powerful Self: A Workbook of Therapeutic Self-Empowerment
You are not the cause of his anger or abuse - www.Oprah.com
You Are Not the Cause of His Anger or Abuse
Anger in relationships is about blame: "I feel bad, and it's your fault." Even when he recognizes his anger, he'll blame it on you: "You push my buttons," or, "I might have overreacted, but I'm human, and look what you did!"
Angry and controlling husbands are very anxious by temperament. From the time they were young children, they've had a more or less constant sense of dread that things will go badly and they will fail to cope. So they try to control their environment to avoid that terrible feeling of failure and inadequacy. But the cause of their anxiety is with them, not in their environment.
The sole purpose of your husband's anger and abusive behavior is to defend himself from feeling like a failure, especially as a:
Protector
Provider
Lover
Parent
In truth, most men feel inadequate about relationships. We learn to feel adequate by providing what all relationships require: support and compassion.
The Silent Abuser
Not all emotional abuse takes the form of shouting or criticism. More common forms are "stonewalling" and "disengaging." The man who stonewalls does not overtly put you down. Nevertheless, he punishes you for disagreeing with him by refusing to even think about your perspective.
The disengaging husband says, "Do whatever you want, just leave me alone." He is often a workaholic, couch potato, womanizer, or obsessive about sports or some other activity. He tries to deal with his inadequacy about relationships by just not trying.
Both stonewalling and disengaging tactics can make you feel:
Unseen and unheard in your marriage
Unattractive
Like you don't count
Like a single parent
What All Forms of Abuse Have in Common
Whether overt or silent, all forms of abuse are failures of compassion; he stops caring about how you feel. Compassion is the lifeblood of marriage and failure of compassion is the heart disease.
It actually would be less hurtful if your husband never cared about how you felt. But when you were falling in love, he cared a great deal. So now it feels like betrayal when he doesn't care or try to understand. It feels like he's not the person you married.
Unlike love, which masks the differences between people, compassion makes us sensitive to the individual strengths and vulnerabilities of other people. It lets us appreciate our differences. Love without the sensitivity of compassion is:
Rejecting (who you really are as a person)
Possessive
Controlling
Dangerous
Harmful Adaptations to Anger and Abuse
The most insidious aspect of abuse is not the obvious nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It's the adaptations you make to try to prevent those painful episodes. Many women engage in constant self-editing and self-criticism to keep from "pushing his buttons." Emotionally abused women can second guess themselves so much that they can lose themselves in a deep hole.
More from Dr. Stosny
No one escapes the effects of abuse
How to know if your spouse is willing to change
How do you know your spouse has changed?
Simple ways to reconnect with your spouse
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Founder, CompassionPower
www.compassionpower.com
Books referenced:
Manual of the Core Value Workshop
The Powerful Self: A Workbook of Therapeutic Self-Empowerment
Anger in relationships is about blame: "I feel bad, and it's your fault." Even when he recognizes his anger, he'll blame it on you: "You push my buttons," or, "I might have overreacted, but I'm human, and look what you did!"
Angry and controlling husbands are very anxious by temperament. From the time they were young children, they've had a more or less constant sense of dread that things will go badly and they will fail to cope. So they try to control their environment to avoid that terrible feeling of failure and inadequacy. But the cause of their anxiety is with them, not in their environment.
The sole purpose of your husband's anger and abusive behavior is to defend himself from feeling like a failure, especially as a:
Protector
Provider
Lover
Parent
In truth, most men feel inadequate about relationships. We learn to feel adequate by providing what all relationships require: support and compassion.
The Silent Abuser
Not all emotional abuse takes the form of shouting or criticism. More common forms are "stonewalling" and "disengaging." The man who stonewalls does not overtly put you down. Nevertheless, he punishes you for disagreeing with him by refusing to even think about your perspective.
The disengaging husband says, "Do whatever you want, just leave me alone." He is often a workaholic, couch potato, womanizer, or obsessive about sports or some other activity. He tries to deal with his inadequacy about relationships by just not trying.
Both stonewalling and disengaging tactics can make you feel:
Unseen and unheard in your marriage
Unattractive
Like you don't count
Like a single parent
What All Forms of Abuse Have in Common
Whether overt or silent, all forms of abuse are failures of compassion; he stops caring about how you feel. Compassion is the lifeblood of marriage and failure of compassion is the heart disease.
It actually would be less hurtful if your husband never cared about how you felt. But when you were falling in love, he cared a great deal. So now it feels like betrayal when he doesn't care or try to understand. It feels like he's not the person you married.
Unlike love, which masks the differences between people, compassion makes us sensitive to the individual strengths and vulnerabilities of other people. It lets us appreciate our differences. Love without the sensitivity of compassion is:
Rejecting (who you really are as a person)
Possessive
Controlling
Dangerous
Harmful Adaptations to Anger and Abuse
The most insidious aspect of abuse is not the obvious nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It's the adaptations you make to try to prevent those painful episodes. Many women engage in constant self-editing and self-criticism to keep from "pushing his buttons." Emotionally abused women can second guess themselves so much that they can lose themselves in a deep hole.
More from Dr. Stosny
No one escapes the effects of abuse
How to know if your spouse is willing to change
How do you know your spouse has changed?
Simple ways to reconnect with your spouse
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Founder, CompassionPower
www.compassionpower.com
Books referenced:
Manual of the Core Value Workshop
The Powerful Self: A Workbook of Therapeutic Self-Empowerment
Look me in the eye
"One of the best personal odyssey stories I have ever read"
Dr. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love
Caryl's Story of Abuse Love addiction is every bit as addictive as any narcotic; ask me, I have been there. I knew I couldn’t stay in an unhappy, abusive and destructive marriage. I didn’t just love my husband; I was obsessed with him. I believed that if I stayed and loved him enough, he would change—but I was wrong.
All addictions escalate and can result in death—mine was no different. Broken bones and a broken heart, private clinics and prison, would not stop me from going back, time and again for more of the same. I falsely believed I was powerless to leave.
Out on the street with no money, without work and nowhere to go, after a failed third marriage, I didn’t make the choice to leave—but I did make the choice to survive.
I chose to learn and understand the nature of domestic violence, its root and its cure.
All addictions are ‘one day at a time’ journeys to recovery—join me on mine.
"This is a story that I will never forget"
Alison, author of I Have Life
This amazing tale of surviving abuse retails for R165.00 plus postage.
For more information on this book, or her inspirational public speaking workshops against abuse please contact Caryl by clicking here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
To buy this amazing book please click here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Caryl’s story is a rare gift to our society as it provides an insight into an epidemic that brews behind closed doors in more homes than we would care to imagine.
If statistics are accurate (the prevalence of abuse is much higher because domestic violence is notoriously under-reported), then a quarter of the female population in South Africa suffers abuse at home every week.
In fact, 80% of violence that women suffer is at the hands of the men who supposedly love them.
This is already affecting our community on a daily basis and society as a whole needs to take up Caryl’s mantra of ‘Abuse is No Excuse’ if we care at all for our humanity.
Few understand the nature or the power of abuse.
I have never understood why someone would ‘choose’ to stay in an ongoing abusive relationship.
However, in reading Caryl’s story, she has enabled me to put myself in her place and I have to wonder if I would have been able to do it any differently given her history and her reality.
This is the gift that Caryl brings us with her story and the honest way in which it is told—she makes it possible for us to move outside of ourselves and our own realities, judgments and prejudices so that we are able to walk the journey of another.
This is a rare opportunity for us to truly ‘live’ the life of a victim of abuse and to understand—from a safe vantage point—the powerlessness, hopelessness and desperation.
Review by Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Victimhood is an objective state of being - but, undoubtedly, also a subjective state of mind. The author's tumultuous and tortured life led her to this epiphany which allowed her to embark on a process of self-empowerment and healing.
The book is not for the faint-hearted or the politically correct. It mercilessly explores in excruciating detail the fraught relationships between men and women, codependents and narcissists, society and victims, and therapists and "clients". The author holds nothing back: date rapes, addictions, domestic violence, incapacitating fears, warts and all. It is this candor that endears her to the reader. Early on in the book, we come to empathize with her and are rendered eager to join her in her voyage of self-discovery.
Rare in such confessionals, the author has never shut herself off from the big wide world out there. Her narrative is deliciously embedded in the story of her country, South Africa, its race relations, and the ancient wisdom possessed by its inhabitants. The book opens with a thinly-veiled metaphor:
news about the tsunami in Thailand reverberate with the author's own quaking self and (third) marriage. Throughout this harrowing time the world and its representatives intrude, at times helpful, mostly obstructive and mean.
Having defied incredible odds, the author emerges, in front of the readers'
astonished gaze, as a beautiful, self-confident, mature, and self-aware woman. She shares the wealth of her experience by simply telling a story that is bound to captivate, infuriate, and educate. One of the best personal odyssey books I have ever read.
I GOT FLOWERS
We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......
If you are against domestic abuse, please pass this along to everybody, NOT just women. Abuse affects us all. Do your part to stamp out abuse.
Dr. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love
Caryl's Story of Abuse Love addiction is every bit as addictive as any narcotic; ask me, I have been there. I knew I couldn’t stay in an unhappy, abusive and destructive marriage. I didn’t just love my husband; I was obsessed with him. I believed that if I stayed and loved him enough, he would change—but I was wrong.
All addictions escalate and can result in death—mine was no different. Broken bones and a broken heart, private clinics and prison, would not stop me from going back, time and again for more of the same. I falsely believed I was powerless to leave.
Out on the street with no money, without work and nowhere to go, after a failed third marriage, I didn’t make the choice to leave—but I did make the choice to survive.
I chose to learn and understand the nature of domestic violence, its root and its cure.
All addictions are ‘one day at a time’ journeys to recovery—join me on mine.
"This is a story that I will never forget"
Alison, author of I Have Life
This amazing tale of surviving abuse retails for R165.00 plus postage.
For more information on this book, or her inspirational public speaking workshops against abuse please contact Caryl by clicking here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
To buy this amazing book please click here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Caryl’s story is a rare gift to our society as it provides an insight into an epidemic that brews behind closed doors in more homes than we would care to imagine.
If statistics are accurate (the prevalence of abuse is much higher because domestic violence is notoriously under-reported), then a quarter of the female population in South Africa suffers abuse at home every week.
In fact, 80% of violence that women suffer is at the hands of the men who supposedly love them.
This is already affecting our community on a daily basis and society as a whole needs to take up Caryl’s mantra of ‘Abuse is No Excuse’ if we care at all for our humanity.
Few understand the nature or the power of abuse.
I have never understood why someone would ‘choose’ to stay in an ongoing abusive relationship.
However, in reading Caryl’s story, she has enabled me to put myself in her place and I have to wonder if I would have been able to do it any differently given her history and her reality.
This is the gift that Caryl brings us with her story and the honest way in which it is told—she makes it possible for us to move outside of ourselves and our own realities, judgments and prejudices so that we are able to walk the journey of another.
This is a rare opportunity for us to truly ‘live’ the life of a victim of abuse and to understand—from a safe vantage point—the powerlessness, hopelessness and desperation.
Review by Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Victimhood is an objective state of being - but, undoubtedly, also a subjective state of mind. The author's tumultuous and tortured life led her to this epiphany which allowed her to embark on a process of self-empowerment and healing.
The book is not for the faint-hearted or the politically correct. It mercilessly explores in excruciating detail the fraught relationships between men and women, codependents and narcissists, society and victims, and therapists and "clients". The author holds nothing back: date rapes, addictions, domestic violence, incapacitating fears, warts and all. It is this candor that endears her to the reader. Early on in the book, we come to empathize with her and are rendered eager to join her in her voyage of self-discovery.
Rare in such confessionals, the author has never shut herself off from the big wide world out there. Her narrative is deliciously embedded in the story of her country, South Africa, its race relations, and the ancient wisdom possessed by its inhabitants. The book opens with a thinly-veiled metaphor:
news about the tsunami in Thailand reverberate with the author's own quaking self and (third) marriage. Throughout this harrowing time the world and its representatives intrude, at times helpful, mostly obstructive and mean.
Having defied incredible odds, the author emerges, in front of the readers'
astonished gaze, as a beautiful, self-confident, mature, and self-aware woman. She shares the wealth of her experience by simply telling a story that is bound to captivate, infuriate, and educate. One of the best personal odyssey books I have ever read.
I GOT FLOWERS
We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......
If you are against domestic abuse, please pass this along to everybody, NOT just women. Abuse affects us all. Do your part to stamp out abuse.
Caryl Wyatt's story
I am Caryl Wyatt, a middle-aged woman from the Northern Suburbs of Johannesburg. In the past, I have spoken publicly about my struggle with bulimia and I am no newcomer to the therapeutic power contained in the interaction between speaker and listeners.
It is this knowledge that inspired me to gather the courage and break silence about the violently abusive marriage I was trapped in for 15 years.
I had been beaten up many times. I had broken bones, blue eyes, split lips, grazed flesh, many “visits” to the hospital, to the lawyers, to the police station, isolation and treatment for depression - and still I would go back for more!
Through my own life experience I have become painfully aware of the fact that there are sadly many, many more women caught up in this macabre dance than we care to admit. They are rendered powerless by an awful paradox - they are afraid to loose their “security”; and at the same time it is their provider that threatens their lives.
I have also come to realize that neither the educated doctors who have attended to my injuries over the years, nor the divorce attorneys, seem to understand the nature of this beast. These professionals are the ones that women like me reach out to.
My quest for a “cure” lead me to do much research on the subject and brought me to the ironic realization that you alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.
In September 2006 I launched the Abuse is no Excuse campaign with my website, www.abusenoexcuse.co.za. The site is intended to support, educate and give hope to women who are trapped in abusive relationships. It contains a message forum for users to communicate with each other, and several links to other relevant sites. My own story is posted on the site as Carleedancer and my book LOOK ME IN THE EYE is available both in Exclusive book stores around the country and on the website.
Other services that I offer in this regard are:
Public Speaking:
I make myself available to tell my story to as many audiences as possible, in the effort to remove the culturally induced stigma of domestic violence and abusive relationships amongst the middle to upper income group. It’s not a shame – it is a mistake. Denial is the real killer in the end. In the corporate world, the subject is ‘ Coping with domestic turmoil when talking to working people’.
Therapeutic Journaling Workshops:
As part of my own recovery process, I learnt the skill of creating mental and emotional health through journaling. I offer workshops to teach participants a creative way of responding to their given situations. These workshops are also available to Corporate and have great value in helping people to become more aware of them selves and achieve balance in both their personal and professional lives. We all know about goal setting and visualization but few people know the value of journaling and how it can help us make all our dreams a reality.
For more information, please contact Caryl. caryl@abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
It is this knowledge that inspired me to gather the courage and break silence about the violently abusive marriage I was trapped in for 15 years.
I had been beaten up many times. I had broken bones, blue eyes, split lips, grazed flesh, many “visits” to the hospital, to the lawyers, to the police station, isolation and treatment for depression - and still I would go back for more!
Through my own life experience I have become painfully aware of the fact that there are sadly many, many more women caught up in this macabre dance than we care to admit. They are rendered powerless by an awful paradox - they are afraid to loose their “security”; and at the same time it is their provider that threatens their lives.
I have also come to realize that neither the educated doctors who have attended to my injuries over the years, nor the divorce attorneys, seem to understand the nature of this beast. These professionals are the ones that women like me reach out to.
My quest for a “cure” lead me to do much research on the subject and brought me to the ironic realization that you alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.
In September 2006 I launched the Abuse is no Excuse campaign with my website, www.abusenoexcuse.co.za. The site is intended to support, educate and give hope to women who are trapped in abusive relationships. It contains a message forum for users to communicate with each other, and several links to other relevant sites. My own story is posted on the site as Carleedancer and my book LOOK ME IN THE EYE is available both in Exclusive book stores around the country and on the website.
Other services that I offer in this regard are:
Public Speaking:
I make myself available to tell my story to as many audiences as possible, in the effort to remove the culturally induced stigma of domestic violence and abusive relationships amongst the middle to upper income group. It’s not a shame – it is a mistake. Denial is the real killer in the end. In the corporate world, the subject is ‘ Coping with domestic turmoil when talking to working people’.
Therapeutic Journaling Workshops:
As part of my own recovery process, I learnt the skill of creating mental and emotional health through journaling. I offer workshops to teach participants a creative way of responding to their given situations. These workshops are also available to Corporate and have great value in helping people to become more aware of them selves and achieve balance in both their personal and professional lives. We all know about goal setting and visualization but few people know the value of journaling and how it can help us make all our dreams a reality.
For more information, please contact Caryl. caryl@abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Things we need... please donate
We need the following donations please:
Pajamas for the ladies and children
Toiletries like soap, face cloth, cream, tooth paste and tooth brushes, deodarant
Cleaning products for the house
These products can be dropped off for my attention at Postnet Montague Gardens, John Montague Centre, Montague Drive, Montague Gardens, Milnerton, Cape Town, 7441.
Many thanks.
Vania van Dalen
www.bondapply.com
Pajamas for the ladies and children
Toiletries like soap, face cloth, cream, tooth paste and tooth brushes, deodarant
Cleaning products for the house
These products can be dropped off for my attention at Postnet Montague Gardens, John Montague Centre, Montague Drive, Montague Gardens, Milnerton, Cape Town, 7441.
Many thanks.
Vania van Dalen
www.bondapply.com
Motivational quote
"Beyond pitch darkness, I look not with my eyes but I do see through my heart. I am not different; I am just a bit apart. I have seen, and not seen, the sunshine and moonlight, still I aspire to inspire, to feel light beyond pitch dark.
I will outperform beyond fathomless capacity. Sometimes I do not need to give sympathy, just a bit of empathy, that would help to light another person's way ..."
I will outperform beyond fathomless capacity. Sometimes I do not need to give sympathy, just a bit of empathy, that would help to light another person's way ..."
Letter from Adri Klindt
Dit word algemeen aanvaar dat ons samelewing gebuk gaan onder ekonomies sosiale euwels wat in verskeie en omvangryke vorms manifesteer. Hierdie toestande is dikwels endemies van aard en dit het elke inwoner se verantwoordelikheid geword om betrokke te raak in die bestryding daarvan.
Die SOS Trust is deur Durbanville Besigheid, die sakekamer in Durbanville, gestig as ‘n instrument om sy sosiale verantwoordelikheid na te kom.
Die doel van die trust is om op ‘n positiewe en volhoubare wyse ‘n invloed uit te oefen op die lewenskwaliteit en ekonomiese welstand van sy begunstigdes.
Ek wil hiermee dan ‘n vriendelike versoek aan u rig om my hand in ons eerste projek te vat. Ons het tans ons eerste huis gehuur waar ons vroue en hul kinders uit ons eie gemeenskap en wat blootgestel is aan huishoudelike geweld en verkragting vir ‘n tydperk van gemiddeld 4 maande sal kan huisves. Ons doelwit is om hierdie vroue weer op te hef en gereed te maak vir die samelewing waar hulle met trots ook weer ‘n verskil kan maak.
Aangesien hierdie projek vir my ‘n Goddelike roeping is, vertrou ek dat u harte met deernis gevul sal wees, en sien ek daarna uit om eersdaags met u ‘n afspraak te maak om meer te vertel van Durbanville Besigheid en die SOS Trust se eerste gemeenskapsprojek.
Vriendelike groete
Adri Klindt
083 564 3313
adri@profinsolutions.co.za
Trustee SOS Trust &
Bestuurslid Durbanville Besigheid
Die SOS Trust is deur Durbanville Besigheid, die sakekamer in Durbanville, gestig as ‘n instrument om sy sosiale verantwoordelikheid na te kom.
Die doel van die trust is om op ‘n positiewe en volhoubare wyse ‘n invloed uit te oefen op die lewenskwaliteit en ekonomiese welstand van sy begunstigdes.
Ek wil hiermee dan ‘n vriendelike versoek aan u rig om my hand in ons eerste projek te vat. Ons het tans ons eerste huis gehuur waar ons vroue en hul kinders uit ons eie gemeenskap en wat blootgestel is aan huishoudelike geweld en verkragting vir ‘n tydperk van gemiddeld 4 maande sal kan huisves. Ons doelwit is om hierdie vroue weer op te hef en gereed te maak vir die samelewing waar hulle met trots ook weer ‘n verskil kan maak.
Aangesien hierdie projek vir my ‘n Goddelike roeping is, vertrou ek dat u harte met deernis gevul sal wees, en sien ek daarna uit om eersdaags met u ‘n afspraak te maak om meer te vertel van Durbanville Besigheid en die SOS Trust se eerste gemeenskapsprojek.
Vriendelike groete
Adri Klindt
083 564 3313
adri@profinsolutions.co.za
Trustee SOS Trust &
Bestuurslid Durbanville Besigheid
Letter from Adri Klindt
Dis wonderlik hoe dinge net gebeur en besef ek net elke dag dat hierdie nie net 'n sakekamer projek is nie, maar dat Jesus hier in die middel staan.
Die afgelope 4 jaar het ek al reeds probeer om 'n veilige huis van die grond te kry, maar die sisteme en stelsels het altyd 'n stok in die speek gewees. Met Riaan de Lange van Durbanville Besigheid en De Lange Prokureurs se hulp wat vir ons die Trustakte opgestel het en aansoek gedoen het vir die NPO nommer het dinge begin waar raak.
Met 'n bietjie geld wat ons van die Stad Kaapstad gekry het, was ons by magte om ons eerste huis te huur en weg te spring...
Wel die projek..... hier gaan dit spesifiek om vroue en hul kinders wat blootgestel word aan huishoudelike geweld in ons gemeenskap te kan help, ek het altyd aan die projek as 'n deurgangshuis gedink, maw kry haar uit die huis, kry 'n interdik, en help haar vir die volgende 3 of 5 dae.
Ek het gou besef dit sal seker die grootste fout wees om dit so te doen, ons het met die min ander organisasies in die Weskaap kers opgesteek (daar is maar net 7 ordentlike plekke in die hele Weskaap) en gesien dat so 'n vrou en haar kinders vir ten minste 3 tot 5 maande gehuisves moet word. Dis nodig om haar te help om haar op te hef, en gereed te maak om haar plek weer vol te staan as iemand wat 'n verskil aan haar en haar kinders se lewe kan maak. Maw ons gaan haar help om werk te kry, dalk opleiding te ondergaan en gereed te maak vir die lewe daar buite. Die huis wat ons tans het is baie groot en kan ons 26 vroue en hul kinders huisves.
Dis jammer dat dit die samelewing se plig geword het om betrokke te raak, tog glo ek dis wat van ons verwag word. Ons moet na mekaar omsien, die lewe is maar kort en is ons met 'n doel hier op aarde.
Die projek lê my na aan die hart omdat ek vriendinne het wat vasgevang was in 'n geweldadige huwelik en nie kon uit nie, hul selfbeeld word afgebreek en glo hul dat dit die lewe is, daar was vir hulle geen plek om heen te gaan nie.
As jy dit op jou hart het om in die toekoms as vrywilliger te help, sal ek bly wees en jou op my lysie sit, dit beteken dat ek jou dalk kan nodig hê om miskien af en toe af te los, dalk kan jy die vroue motiveer deur iets wat jy op die hart het, of dalk handwerk of rekenaar klasse aanbied..... daar is so baie.
Op die stadium is finansies seker maar die grootste probleem, ons doen hier absoluut 'n geloofstaak en glo dat dit die Here se projek is en dat Hy sal voorsien.
Ons het ook 'n debietorder stelsel nou in werking waar persone maandeliks 'n geldjie kan gee soos hul hart spreek of eenmalig iets inbetaal.
Indien jy weet van persone of instansies wat ek kan kontak vir fondse sal ek so bly wees as jy my van hul kan sê.
Wel ons bankbesonderhede is as volg:
SOS TRUST
ABSA takkode 334810
Rekening nommer 4070981810
Adri Klindt
083 564 3313
adri@profinsolutions.co.za
Die afgelope 4 jaar het ek al reeds probeer om 'n veilige huis van die grond te kry, maar die sisteme en stelsels het altyd 'n stok in die speek gewees. Met Riaan de Lange van Durbanville Besigheid en De Lange Prokureurs se hulp wat vir ons die Trustakte opgestel het en aansoek gedoen het vir die NPO nommer het dinge begin waar raak.
Met 'n bietjie geld wat ons van die Stad Kaapstad gekry het, was ons by magte om ons eerste huis te huur en weg te spring...
Wel die projek..... hier gaan dit spesifiek om vroue en hul kinders wat blootgestel word aan huishoudelike geweld in ons gemeenskap te kan help, ek het altyd aan die projek as 'n deurgangshuis gedink, maw kry haar uit die huis, kry 'n interdik, en help haar vir die volgende 3 of 5 dae.
Ek het gou besef dit sal seker die grootste fout wees om dit so te doen, ons het met die min ander organisasies in die Weskaap kers opgesteek (daar is maar net 7 ordentlike plekke in die hele Weskaap) en gesien dat so 'n vrou en haar kinders vir ten minste 3 tot 5 maande gehuisves moet word. Dis nodig om haar te help om haar op te hef, en gereed te maak om haar plek weer vol te staan as iemand wat 'n verskil aan haar en haar kinders se lewe kan maak. Maw ons gaan haar help om werk te kry, dalk opleiding te ondergaan en gereed te maak vir die lewe daar buite. Die huis wat ons tans het is baie groot en kan ons 26 vroue en hul kinders huisves.
Dis jammer dat dit die samelewing se plig geword het om betrokke te raak, tog glo ek dis wat van ons verwag word. Ons moet na mekaar omsien, die lewe is maar kort en is ons met 'n doel hier op aarde.
Die projek lê my na aan die hart omdat ek vriendinne het wat vasgevang was in 'n geweldadige huwelik en nie kon uit nie, hul selfbeeld word afgebreek en glo hul dat dit die lewe is, daar was vir hulle geen plek om heen te gaan nie.
As jy dit op jou hart het om in die toekoms as vrywilliger te help, sal ek bly wees en jou op my lysie sit, dit beteken dat ek jou dalk kan nodig hê om miskien af en toe af te los, dalk kan jy die vroue motiveer deur iets wat jy op die hart het, of dalk handwerk of rekenaar klasse aanbied..... daar is so baie.
Op die stadium is finansies seker maar die grootste probleem, ons doen hier absoluut 'n geloofstaak en glo dat dit die Here se projek is en dat Hy sal voorsien.
Ons het ook 'n debietorder stelsel nou in werking waar persone maandeliks 'n geldjie kan gee soos hul hart spreek of eenmalig iets inbetaal.
Indien jy weet van persone of instansies wat ek kan kontak vir fondse sal ek so bly wees as jy my van hul kan sê.
Wel ons bankbesonderhede is as volg:
SOS TRUST
ABSA takkode 334810
Rekening nommer 4070981810
Adri Klindt
083 564 3313
adri@profinsolutions.co.za
Huis van veiligheid vir vroue en kinders
Dit word algemeen aanvaar dat ons samelewing gebuk gaan onder ekonomies sosiale euwels wat in verskeie vorms manifesteer. Dit is dikwels endemies van aard en dit het elke inwoner se verantwoordelikheid geword om betrokke te raak in die bestyding daarvan. Die SOS Trust is deur Durbanville Besigheid, die sakekamer in Durbanville, gestig as 'n instrument om sy sosiale verantwoordelikheid na te kom.
Ek wil hiermee dan 'n vriendelike versoek aan u rig om my hand in ons gemeenskapsprojek te vat. Ons is tans besig om ons eerste huis te begin waar ons vroue en hul kinders uit ons eie gemeenskap wat blootgestel is aan huishoudelike geweld en mishandeling vir 'n tydperk van gemiddeld 4 maande sal kan huisves. Ons doelwit is om hierdie vroue uit hul omstandighede te neem en gereed te maak vir die samelewing waar hul met trots weer 'n verskil sal kan maak, deur berading, godsdienstige versorging en die aanleer van lewensvaardighede. Die aktiwiteite en identiteit van die inwoners word as vertroulik beskou, asook die fisiese adres van die huis.
Ek wil u dus versoek om u harte oop te maak vir die projek en my te kontak indien u ons kan help met huishoudelike artikels soos, yskaste, vrieskaste, 'n mikrogolfoond, eetkamerstel, tuinstelle, 'n wasmasjien, linne, eetgerei, kombuisgereedskap, toiletware ens. Kinderspeelgoed, ‘n klimraam, bordspeletjies en boeke sal ook baie waardeer word. Aangesien die SOS Trust as 'n NPO geregistreer is kan kontant donasies dan ook van belasting verhaal word.
Enige persoon wat dalk wil betrokke raak deur kunslesse, naaldwerkklasse of enige stokperdjie aan te bied kan my ook skakel. U kan ook help met die administrasie, of net deur ‘n vriendin vir ‘n vrou te wees of ‘n bordspeletjie met die kinders te speel.
Kontak my asb as u ons hiermee wil help of betrokke wil raak by die projek.
Groete
Adri Klindt (trustee)
0835643313
adri@sostrust.co.za
Ek wil hiermee dan 'n vriendelike versoek aan u rig om my hand in ons gemeenskapsprojek te vat. Ons is tans besig om ons eerste huis te begin waar ons vroue en hul kinders uit ons eie gemeenskap wat blootgestel is aan huishoudelike geweld en mishandeling vir 'n tydperk van gemiddeld 4 maande sal kan huisves. Ons doelwit is om hierdie vroue uit hul omstandighede te neem en gereed te maak vir die samelewing waar hul met trots weer 'n verskil sal kan maak, deur berading, godsdienstige versorging en die aanleer van lewensvaardighede. Die aktiwiteite en identiteit van die inwoners word as vertroulik beskou, asook die fisiese adres van die huis.
Ek wil u dus versoek om u harte oop te maak vir die projek en my te kontak indien u ons kan help met huishoudelike artikels soos, yskaste, vrieskaste, 'n mikrogolfoond, eetkamerstel, tuinstelle, 'n wasmasjien, linne, eetgerei, kombuisgereedskap, toiletware ens. Kinderspeelgoed, ‘n klimraam, bordspeletjies en boeke sal ook baie waardeer word. Aangesien die SOS Trust as 'n NPO geregistreer is kan kontant donasies dan ook van belasting verhaal word.
Enige persoon wat dalk wil betrokke raak deur kunslesse, naaldwerkklasse of enige stokperdjie aan te bied kan my ook skakel. U kan ook help met die administrasie, of net deur ‘n vriendin vir ‘n vrou te wees of ‘n bordspeletjie met die kinders te speel.
Kontak my asb as u ons hiermee wil help of betrokke wil raak by die projek.
Groete
Adri Klindt (trustee)
0835643313
adri@sostrust.co.za
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
