Look me in the eye

"One of the best personal odyssey stories I have ever read"
Dr. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love

Caryl's Story of Abuse Love addiction is every bit as addictive as any narcotic; ask me, I have been there. I knew I couldn’t stay in an unhappy, abusive and destructive marriage. I didn’t just love my husband; I was obsessed with him. I believed that if I stayed and loved him enough, he would change—but I was wrong.
All addictions escalate and can result in death—mine was no different. Broken bones and a broken heart, private clinics and prison, would not stop me from going back, time and again for more of the same. I falsely believed I was powerless to leave.
Out on the street with no money, without work and nowhere to go, after a failed third marriage, I didn’t make the choice to leave—but I did make the choice to survive.
I chose to learn and understand the nature of domestic violence, its root and its cure.
All addictions are ‘one day at a time’ journeys to recovery—join me on mine.

"This is a story that I will never forget"
Alison, author of I Have Life

This amazing tale of surviving abuse retails for R165.00 plus postage.
For more information on this book, or her inspirational public speaking workshops against abuse please contact Caryl by clicking here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za

To buy this amazing book please click here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za

Caryl’s story is a rare gift to our society as it provides an insight into an epidemic that brews behind closed doors in more homes than we would care to imagine.
If statistics are accurate (the prevalence of abuse is much higher because domestic violence is notoriously under-reported), then a quarter of the female population in South Africa suffers abuse at home every week.
In fact, 80% of violence that women suffer is at the hands of the men who supposedly love them.
This is already affecting our community on a daily basis and society as a whole needs to take up Caryl’s mantra of ‘Abuse is No Excuse’ if we care at all for our humanity.

Few understand the nature or the power of abuse.
I have never understood why someone would ‘choose’ to stay in an ongoing abusive relationship.
However, in reading Caryl’s story, she has enabled me to put myself in her place and I have to wonder if I would have been able to do it any differently given her history and her reality.
This is the gift that Caryl brings us with her story and the honest way in which it is told—she makes it possible for us to move outside of ourselves and our own realities, judgments and prejudices so that we are able to walk the journey of another.
This is a rare opportunity for us to truly ‘live’ the life of a victim of abuse and to understand—from a safe vantage point—the powerlessness, hopelessness and desperation.
Review by Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"

Victimhood is an objective state of being - but, undoubtedly, also a subjective state of mind. The author's tumultuous and tortured life led her to this epiphany which allowed her to embark on a process of self-empowerment and healing.

The book is not for the faint-hearted or the politically correct. It mercilessly explores in excruciating detail the fraught relationships between men and women, codependents and narcissists, society and victims, and therapists and "clients". The author holds nothing back: date rapes, addictions, domestic violence, incapacitating fears, warts and all. It is this candor that endears her to the reader. Early on in the book, we come to empathize with her and are rendered eager to join her in her voyage of self-discovery.

Rare in such confessionals, the author has never shut herself off from the big wide world out there. Her narrative is deliciously embedded in the story of her country, South Africa, its race relations, and the ancient wisdom possessed by its inhabitants. The book opens with a thinly-veiled metaphor:
news about the tsunami in Thailand reverberate with the author's own quaking self and (third) marriage. Throughout this harrowing time the world and its representatives intrude, at times helpful, mostly obstructive and mean.

Having defied incredible odds, the author emerges, in front of the readers'
astonished gaze, as a beautiful, self-confident, mature, and self-aware woman. She shares the wealth of her experience by simply telling a story that is bound to captivate, infuriate, and educate. One of the best personal odyssey books I have ever read.


I GOT FLOWERS

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......

If you are against domestic abuse, please pass this along to everybody, NOT just women. Abuse affects us all. Do your part to stamp out abuse.