Thursday, October 9, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
What we need
Please donate the following:
For the ladies: Soap, tooth paste, tooth brushes, pajamas, body lotion
Food - non perishables, e.g. canned food, long-life milk, etc.
Volunteers to teach skills such as computer skills, hand work, bead work, etc.
Cleaning products for house e.g. dish wash liquid, Handy-Andy, Domestos, Tile Cleaner, Window cleaner, etc.
Funds needed for handyman work and certain building & alteration work and repairs required for the house.
Thanks.
Vania
vania@bondapply.com
For the ladies: Soap, tooth paste, tooth brushes, pajamas, body lotion
Food - non perishables, e.g. canned food, long-life milk, etc.
Volunteers to teach skills such as computer skills, hand work, bead work, etc.
Cleaning products for house e.g. dish wash liquid, Handy-Andy, Domestos, Tile Cleaner, Window cleaner, etc.
Funds needed for handyman work and certain building & alteration work and repairs required for the house.
Thanks.
Vania
vania@bondapply.com
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Deep Waters
So many of us feel that we are going through deep waters, maybe emotionally, maybe personally, maybe in your work, maybe in frienships, maybe you lost a friend or loved one, or just maybe you are just out of the deep water... Whatever the case, we can all relate to the following email yhat i recieved... God's hand is near you... just take it, dear ppl.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Is. 43:2)
It requires great faith and a strong character to be able to work through adversity and disappointment. Many seemingly strong people eventually double up under their burdens and break down.
The Lord never promised that our lives would be free from problems just because we choose to serve Him. But He did promise to be there for you at all times and to help you over life's hurdles. Knowing that you don't have to tackle the afflictions of life on your own is a comforting and reassuring thought.
To ensure your peace of mind, it is important to hold on to the truth that Jesus is the living Christ. He comes to live in you through His Holy Spirit, and is closer to you than any one else. Because He was able to rise above the worst that people could do to Him, He is now at your side every step of the way.
When problems mar your view and put you under pressure, turn to Christ. He is you heavenly companion. Overcome your problems in the peace of His presence.
Thank you, omnipotent Father, that I can say with confidence that You are with me day by day!!!
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Is. 43:2)
It requires great faith and a strong character to be able to work through adversity and disappointment. Many seemingly strong people eventually double up under their burdens and break down.
The Lord never promised that our lives would be free from problems just because we choose to serve Him. But He did promise to be there for you at all times and to help you over life's hurdles. Knowing that you don't have to tackle the afflictions of life on your own is a comforting and reassuring thought.
To ensure your peace of mind, it is important to hold on to the truth that Jesus is the living Christ. He comes to live in you through His Holy Spirit, and is closer to you than any one else. Because He was able to rise above the worst that people could do to Him, He is now at your side every step of the way.
When problems mar your view and put you under pressure, turn to Christ. He is you heavenly companion. Overcome your problems in the peace of His presence.
Thank you, omnipotent Father, that I can say with confidence that You are with me day by day!!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Meditation
As with physical exercise, the effects of meditation are cumulative. When we go to the gym and work out for an hour, we don't really see any change in our bodies at the end of the hour. If we go every day for thirty days, however, then we do see a change. So it is with meditation. And sometimes, we're not the ones who can see the change as much as others can. We might not even be aware of how much the quality of our energy, the invisible emanations of our minds, affect our environment and the people within it. But others do. And they respond accordingly.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles www.oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles www.oprah.com
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The power inside
"When an egg breaks by a power outside, a life ends. When an egg breaks by a power inside, a life begins. Great things always begin from the power inside!"
Monday, June 23, 2008
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is, many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
From "Look me in the eye" - Caryl's Story with Anita le Roux. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is, many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
From "Look me in the eye" - Caryl's Story with Anita le Roux. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Faith
It's easy to have faith when things are going well. But there are times in everyone's life when we have to fly on instruments, just like a pilot making a landing in low visibility. He knows the land is there, but he can't see it. He must trust his instruments to navigate for him. And so it is with us, when things aren't what we'd like them to be. We know that life is always in process, and always on its way to greater good. We just can't see that. During those times, we rely on our spiritual radar to navigate for us. We trust there's a happy ending. By our faith, through our trust, we invoke its proof.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles www.oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles www.oprah.com
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Inspirational Speaker
I am Caryl Wyatt, a middle-aged woman from the Northern Suburbs of Johannesburg. In the past, I have spoken publicly about my struggle with bulimia and I am no newcomer to the therapeutic power contained in the interaction between speaker and listeners.
It is this knowledge that inspired me to gather the courage and break silence about the violently abusive marriage I was trapped in for 15 years.
I had been beaten up many times. I had broken bones, blue eyes, split lips, grazed flesh, many “visits” to the hospital, to the lawyers, to the police station, isolation and treatment for depression - and still I would go back for more!
Through my own life experience I have become painfully aware of the fact that there are sadly many, many more women caught up in this macabre dance than we care to admit. They are rendered powerless by an awful paradox - they are afraid to loose their “security”; and at the same time it is their provider that threatens their lives.
I have also come to realize that neither the educated doctors who have attended to my injuries over the years, nor the divorce attorneys, seem to understand the nature of this beast. These professionals are the ones that women like me reach out to.
My quest for a “cure” lead me to do much research on the subject and brought me to the ironic realization that you alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.
In September 2006 I launched the Abuse is no Excuse campaign with my website, www.abusenoexcuse.co.za. The site is intended to support, educate and give hope to women who are trapped in abusive relationships. It contains a message forum for users to communicate with each other, and several links to other relevant sites. My own story is posted on the site as Carleedancer and my book LOOK ME IN THE EYE is available both in Exclusive book stores around the country and on the website.
Other services that I offer in this regard are -
• Public Speaking – I make myself available to tell my story to as many audiences as possible, in the effort to remove the culturally induced stigma of domestic violence and abusive relationships amongst the middle to upper income group. It’s not a shame – it is a mistake. Denial is the real killer in the end. In the corporate world, the subject is ‘ Coping with domestic turmoil when talking to working people’.
• Therapeutic Journaling Workshops - As part of my own recovery process, I learnt the skill of creating mental and emotional health through journaling. I offer workshops to teach participants a creative way of responding to their given situations. These workshops are also available to Corporate and have great value in helping people to become more aware of them selves and achieve balance in both their personal and professional lives. We all know about goal setting and visualization but few people know the value of journaling and how it can help us make all our dreams a reality.
For more information, please contact Caryl Wyatt
Cell : 083 380 7299
E-Mail :carylw3@mweb.co.za
CARYL WYATT:
PUBLIC SPEAKER – carylw3@mweb.co.za
JOURNALING WORKSHOPS – carylw3@mweb.co.za
INVITATIONS:
Hand made invitations for weddings, menus, place names for table settings, birthdays, corporate functions and calligraphy on certificates.
Email invitations, which would be attached to a normal email.
Fees will depend on quantities and materials used.
PHOTOGRAPHIC ART:
Photo art is done in PHOTO SHOP. Photo’s can either be improved or changed altogether. Before and after photo’s are available as examples. Please email me, carylw3@mweb.co.za.
PHOTO BOOKS:
‘My photo book’ is a personalized coffee table book with all your favorite photo’s. We all love collecting photo’s but very few people get to enjoy them and share them with friends. These books are a wonderful way of sharing those memories with others. The program for this book is available at most photographic outlets, but most people do not have the time to put these books together with artistic flare.
These are just a few idea’s:
Wedding albums.
Baby books.
My life story.
Holidays.
Gifts for:
Mothers Day.
Fathers Day.
Birthdays
21st Birthday
Christmas.
Kitchen Tea.
Baby Shower.
The price for these books will depend on a couple of factors, and will be discussed with the first consultation.
1. The size of the book.
2. How many pages the book will contain.
3. The book can be a hard or soft cover.
4. The photo’s might need to be corrected in photo shop.
I am also available to tutor anyone who would like to learn how to use this program and assist in putting a book together.
ARTIST.
Affordable art for anyone who likes originals and does not have the funds to purchase investment art.
PRICES:
Depending on the size, material, and the time needed my paintings range from R1000- R20,000.
MAKE-UP ARTIST:
Two of my daughters and my self are make up artists. We do Weddings, Glamour workshops and Photographic make up.
For further information please contact:
Caryl – 083 380 7299 or carylw3@mweb.co.za
HAND WRITING ANALIST:
Accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference.
In 2001 I completed my studies in Johannesburg with Silvana Grandin at GRAFEX which is accredited with the Pretoria Technicon. There are several different fields that a qualified hand writing analyst could consider specializing, human resources, children, psychological counseling and relationships, I have chosen to do the latter. Forensic work is a separate course all together and is a very specialized field of expertise.
I have attracted two abusive marriages and spent many years in counseling but I was never able to understand, why I was making the choice in the first place and why I chose to stay in such unhealthy relationships. I wanted to study handwriting so that I could understand people, but in the process I learnt to understand myself. Once I had qualified and I was able to analyze the handwriting of the relationships I had been in, it was very obvious to me where the problems were. I soon realized that nothing I could do or say would ever change the personality or the behaviour of the person I was with, as a result I was able to work on myself and break the cycle of abuse.
Analyzing hand writing is not fortune telling, that must be made very clear from the start and an analyst is not a clairvoyant. Nothing in a person’s hand writing can tell you what will happen tomorrow, we are all responsible for our own choices, but the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. There are many things that can be changed in our behavior provided the desire is there, but often in relationships both parties expect the changes to come from the other person.
Handwriting is unique to every individual as no two fingerprints are the same. Consider that neither a polygraph, astrological sign or sexual preference are admissible in court in order to find someone guilty, but Handwriting analysis is a science and is used in court all the time.
All handwriting can be analyzed but I have the following specific requirements in order to do a proper analysis.
1. A full page of writing on unlined paper.
2. Paper should be resting on a magazine or pad of paper and not on a flat hard surface.
3. The writing must be done with a pen or pencil that the person would normally use, leaving no excuse for not liking the ink, colour or brand of pen.
4. The writer should sit facing the table and not write on ones lap for example.
5. Permission from the writer.
My fee for each analysis is R450 and an extra R250 if a consultation afterwards is required.
My Contact details:
Caryl 083 380 7299, carylw3@mweb.co.za
www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Happiness
Usually we figure out what we think would make us happy, and then try to make those things happen. But happiness isn't circumstance-dependent. There are people who have every reason in the world to be happy who aren't. There are people with genuine problems who are. The key to happiness is the decision to be happy.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Oprah.com
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Qualities of successful people
Qualities of successful people:
1.They look for and find opportunities where others see nothing.
2. They find lessons while others only see problems.
3. They are solution focused.
4. They consciously and methodically create their own success.
5. They may be fearful, but they are not controlled or limited by fear.
6. They ask the right questions -- the ones which put them in a positive mindset and emotional state.
7. They rarely complain.
8. They don’t blame, and take complete responsibility for their actions and outcomes.
9. They always find a way to maximize their potential, and use what they have effectively.
10. They are busy, productive and proactive.
11. They align themselves with like-minded people.
12. They are ambitious.
13. They have clarity and certainty about what they want.
14. They innovate instead of imitate.
15. They don’t procrastinate.
16. They are life-long learners.
17. They are glass half full people, while still being practical and down-to-earth.
18. They consistently do what they need to do, regardless of how they are feeling on a given day.
19. They take calculated risks.
20. They deal with problems quickly and effectively.
21. They don’t believe in, or wait for, fate, destiny, chance or luck.
22. They take action before they have to.
23. They are more effective than most at managing their emotions.
24. They are good communicators.
25. They have a plan for their life and they work methodically to turn that plan into a reality.
26. They become exceptional by choice.
27. They work through the tough stuff that most would avoid.
28. They have identified what is important to them and they do their best to live a life which is reflective of those values.
29. They have balance. They know that money is a tool and ultimately, it’s just another resource.
30. They understand the importance of discipline and self-control.
31. They are secure in their sense of self-worth.
32. They are generous and kind.
33. They are happy to admit mistakes and apologize.
34. They are adaptable and embrace change.
35. They keep themselves in shape physically.
36. They work hard and are not lazy.
37. They are resilient.
38. They are open to, and more likely to act upon, feedback.
39. They don’t hang out with toxic people.
40. They don’t invest time or emotional energy into uncontrollable things.
41. They are happy to swim against the tide.
42. They comfortable with their own company.
43. They set high standards for themselves.
44. They don’t rationalize failure.
45. They know how to relax, enjoy what they have in their life and to have fun.
46. Their career is not their identity, it’s their job.
47. They are more interested in what is effective than in what is easy.
48. They finish what they start.
49. They realize that not only are they physical and psychological beings, but emotional and spiritual creatures as well.
50. They practice what they preach.
1.They look for and find opportunities where others see nothing.
2. They find lessons while others only see problems.
3. They are solution focused.
4. They consciously and methodically create their own success.
5. They may be fearful, but they are not controlled or limited by fear.
6. They ask the right questions -- the ones which put them in a positive mindset and emotional state.
7. They rarely complain.
8. They don’t blame, and take complete responsibility for their actions and outcomes.
9. They always find a way to maximize their potential, and use what they have effectively.
10. They are busy, productive and proactive.
11. They align themselves with like-minded people.
12. They are ambitious.
13. They have clarity and certainty about what they want.
14. They innovate instead of imitate.
15. They don’t procrastinate.
16. They are life-long learners.
17. They are glass half full people, while still being practical and down-to-earth.
18. They consistently do what they need to do, regardless of how they are feeling on a given day.
19. They take calculated risks.
20. They deal with problems quickly and effectively.
21. They don’t believe in, or wait for, fate, destiny, chance or luck.
22. They take action before they have to.
23. They are more effective than most at managing their emotions.
24. They are good communicators.
25. They have a plan for their life and they work methodically to turn that plan into a reality.
26. They become exceptional by choice.
27. They work through the tough stuff that most would avoid.
28. They have identified what is important to them and they do their best to live a life which is reflective of those values.
29. They have balance. They know that money is a tool and ultimately, it’s just another resource.
30. They understand the importance of discipline and self-control.
31. They are secure in their sense of self-worth.
32. They are generous and kind.
33. They are happy to admit mistakes and apologize.
34. They are adaptable and embrace change.
35. They keep themselves in shape physically.
36. They work hard and are not lazy.
37. They are resilient.
38. They are open to, and more likely to act upon, feedback.
39. They don’t hang out with toxic people.
40. They don’t invest time or emotional energy into uncontrollable things.
41. They are happy to swim against the tide.
42. They comfortable with their own company.
43. They set high standards for themselves.
44. They don’t rationalize failure.
45. They know how to relax, enjoy what they have in their life and to have fun.
46. Their career is not their identity, it’s their job.
47. They are more interested in what is effective than in what is easy.
48. They finish what they start.
49. They realize that not only are they physical and psychological beings, but emotional and spiritual creatures as well.
50. They practice what they preach.
Beautiful Christian Sister
BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
by Maya Angelou
'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
by Maya Angelou
'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The greatest gift
The greatest gift we can give to a person in pain is to hold in our own minds the thought that there is a light beyond this darkness. What goes on externally is only the tip of the iceberg in any situation. The lessons, the real changes, the opportunities to grow--these are things the body's eyes can't see. They remain beneath the spiritual water line, but they are there. And they represent a much more vast picture of the soul's journey than what we can see from the perspective of our physical senses. Growth is not always about getting what we think we want. Always, it's about becoming the men and women we have the potential to be. Loving, pure, honest, clear.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
www.oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
www.oprah.com
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the ultimate preventative medicine as well as the greatest healer. We heal the body by remembering that it is not who we really are. We are spirits and not bodies, we are eternally healthy and we are incapable of sickness. These are merely statements of the truth about ourselves, and it is always truth that sets us free.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
www.oprah.com
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
www.oprah.com
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Smooth roads
Smooth roads never make good drivers. Smooth seas never make good sailors. Clear skies never make good pilots. A problem free life never makes a strong and good person. Have a tough but winning day ahead! Be strong enough to accept the challenges of life. Do not ask life, 'why me?' instead say, 'Try me'.
I selected this one for those people who sometimes in life, after losing a minor thing, start thinking to lose their life. They become a pessimist. I just want to deliver the message that life is too short and it's very beautiful. Try to look at its positive and brighter sides rather than its darker face.
I selected this one for those people who sometimes in life, after losing a minor thing, start thinking to lose their life. They become a pessimist. I just want to deliver the message that life is too short and it's very beautiful. Try to look at its positive and brighter sides rather than its darker face.
Looking back
"Looking back... When you're looking back, only do so to take the lesson you learned, not to dwell. Be grateful for the experience even if it caused you pain, because it brought you wisdom. Be happy for the lessons for they bring blessings. Keep your eyes on the future, your being in the present, your gratitude in the NOW, and the rest, just let go"
Monday, June 2, 2008
Signs of abuse
Sometimes it is difficult and confusing to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or to find a way out, but there are clear signs to help you know if you are being abused.
Taken From: Abuse.com
If the person you love or live with does any of these things to you, it's time to get help:
Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things.
Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.
Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
Controls all the money you spend.
Humiliates you in front of others.
Destroys your property or things that you care about.
Threatens to hurt you or the children or pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).
Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
Forces you to have sex against your will.
Blames you for his/her violent outbursts.
Taken From: Abuse.com
If the person you love or live with does any of these things to you, it's time to get help:
Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things.
Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.
Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
Controls all the money you spend.
Humiliates you in front of others.
Destroys your property or things that you care about.
Threatens to hurt you or the children or pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).
Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
Forces you to have sex against your will.
Blames you for his/her violent outbursts.
Abusive men - the red flags
When Hedda Nussbaum was a young, single woman living with a roommate in a New York City brownstone, she heard a ruckus outside her building one night and peered out the window to see a neighbor in her bathrobe, refusing to go back inside until the police arrived.
Taken From. Oprah.com
The woman's husband, known to be a heavy drinker, turned out to be abusive. "The next day," Nussbaum recalls, "I was absolutely shocked to find that she came back. I remember saying, 'If my husband ever hit me, even once, I'd be out that door and never come back.' And that's what everybody thinks, until it happens to you."
It is incongruous that Nussbaum would herself become the iconic face of domestic violence, a woman who—years after her notorious case—many still find hard to understand or absolve. In 1989 her long-term partner, Joel Steinberg, was convicted of manslaughter after beating their illegally adopted 6-year-old daughter into a coma; another illegally adopted toddler, found tethered to his crib, was returned to his birth mother. Prosecutors dropped the original murder charges against Nussbaum, her body a testament to years of severe abuse. Today, after spending a lot of time in therapy and working in the domestic violence field, Nussbaum has some clarity about the way Steinberg seized control of her.
It would be wonderful if Nussbaum was an anomaly, but her experience is all too common. "When a woman's assailant is an intimate partner or ex-partner, the injury rate is around 52 percent; and when the assailant is a stranger, the rate is about 20 percent, according to our research," says Ron Acierno, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center at the Medical University of South Carolina. "So if someone's going to beat the crap out of you, odds are, you'll be better off if it's a stranger." These guys do not come with warning labels, but Nussbaum now thinks she can spot an abusive man, or at least a controlling man with a capacity for abuse.
Nussbaum's List of Red Flags:
He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away.
He hates his mother and is nasty to her.
He wants your undivided attention.
He must always be in charge.
He always has to win.
He breaks promises all the time.
He can't take criticism and always justifies his actions.
He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong.
He's jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men.
He always asks you where you went and whom you saw.
He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable.
He has a mean temper.
He often says you don't know what you're talking about.
He makes you feel like you're not good enough.
He withdraws his love or approval as punishment.
He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.
Taken From. Oprah.com
The woman's husband, known to be a heavy drinker, turned out to be abusive. "The next day," Nussbaum recalls, "I was absolutely shocked to find that she came back. I remember saying, 'If my husband ever hit me, even once, I'd be out that door and never come back.' And that's what everybody thinks, until it happens to you."
It is incongruous that Nussbaum would herself become the iconic face of domestic violence, a woman who—years after her notorious case—many still find hard to understand or absolve. In 1989 her long-term partner, Joel Steinberg, was convicted of manslaughter after beating their illegally adopted 6-year-old daughter into a coma; another illegally adopted toddler, found tethered to his crib, was returned to his birth mother. Prosecutors dropped the original murder charges against Nussbaum, her body a testament to years of severe abuse. Today, after spending a lot of time in therapy and working in the domestic violence field, Nussbaum has some clarity about the way Steinberg seized control of her.
It would be wonderful if Nussbaum was an anomaly, but her experience is all too common. "When a woman's assailant is an intimate partner or ex-partner, the injury rate is around 52 percent; and when the assailant is a stranger, the rate is about 20 percent, according to our research," says Ron Acierno, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center at the Medical University of South Carolina. "So if someone's going to beat the crap out of you, odds are, you'll be better off if it's a stranger." These guys do not come with warning labels, but Nussbaum now thinks she can spot an abusive man, or at least a controlling man with a capacity for abuse.
Nussbaum's List of Red Flags:
He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away.
He hates his mother and is nasty to her.
He wants your undivided attention.
He must always be in charge.
He always has to win.
He breaks promises all the time.
He can't take criticism and always justifies his actions.
He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong.
He's jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men.
He always asks you where you went and whom you saw.
He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable.
He has a mean temper.
He often says you don't know what you're talking about.
He makes you feel like you're not good enough.
He withdraws his love or approval as punishment.
He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.
Coping strategy
Coping Strategy #1: Keep a journal in a safe place where your abuser will not find it. Write down all the ways that you are being abused. Financial control, emotional put-downs, isolation, threats, control, and any physical violence or threats to you, pets, property or someone you love.
Kathy quickly lost her support system and thus did not have anyone to help guide her through her troubled relationship. Victims of domestic violence need to rebuild a support system.
Coping Strategy #2: Build a support system, get a therapist, and go to a support group. Tell at least 2-3 people the honest story about what is happening in your relationship.
Kathy stayed in the relationship hoping it would get better. Abuse is progressive and always get worse over time. Kathy was not aware of community resources and she did not plan for the abuse to occur again. She saw each episode as an isolated incident that she believed (and naively hoped) that it would never occur again.
Coping Strategy #3: Get out of the relationship! If you are not yet strong enough to get out, create a safety plan, but work on trying to get out!
Kathy was afraid and over time began to doubt her rights to have a safe, healthy and happy relationship.
Coping Strategy #4: Realize that you deserve healthy, happy relationships and abuse is against the law.
Another challenge that Kathy faced is that she gradually gave up more and more of her control over her own life. She even turned her business over to her husband.
Coping Strategy #5: Empower yourself with new skills, knowledge and creativity. Do not give up control over things you can do for yourself.
Domestic abuse is ultimately fatal to the body, mind and spirit. Yet there is reason to hope. Many women have found their way out of violent relationships and have rebuilt their lives. They can find happy, healthy relationships.
Staying in the relationship for the sake of the children is not a good excuse. Witnessing domestic violence is now considered a form of child abuse that is prosecuted in many states.
This article suggests a few things that you can do to begin your healing and recovery process. Do not delay. Call a therapist that is experienced in dealing with domestic violence and begin your new life as soon as possible.
Kathy quickly lost her support system and thus did not have anyone to help guide her through her troubled relationship. Victims of domestic violence need to rebuild a support system.
Coping Strategy #2: Build a support system, get a therapist, and go to a support group. Tell at least 2-3 people the honest story about what is happening in your relationship.
Kathy stayed in the relationship hoping it would get better. Abuse is progressive and always get worse over time. Kathy was not aware of community resources and she did not plan for the abuse to occur again. She saw each episode as an isolated incident that she believed (and naively hoped) that it would never occur again.
Coping Strategy #3: Get out of the relationship! If you are not yet strong enough to get out, create a safety plan, but work on trying to get out!
Kathy was afraid and over time began to doubt her rights to have a safe, healthy and happy relationship.
Coping Strategy #4: Realize that you deserve healthy, happy relationships and abuse is against the law.
Another challenge that Kathy faced is that she gradually gave up more and more of her control over her own life. She even turned her business over to her husband.
Coping Strategy #5: Empower yourself with new skills, knowledge and creativity. Do not give up control over things you can do for yourself.
Domestic abuse is ultimately fatal to the body, mind and spirit. Yet there is reason to hope. Many women have found their way out of violent relationships and have rebuilt their lives. They can find happy, healthy relationships.
Staying in the relationship for the sake of the children is not a good excuse. Witnessing domestic violence is now considered a form of child abuse that is prosecuted in many states.
This article suggests a few things that you can do to begin your healing and recovery process. Do not delay. Call a therapist that is experienced in dealing with domestic violence and begin your new life as soon as possible.
What to take when you leave an abuser
A Planning Checklist
Here are some helpful items to get together when you are planning on leaving an abusive situation. Keep these items in a safe place until you are ready to leave, or if you need to leave suddenly. If you have children, take them. And take your pets too (if you can).
Taken From: Abuse.com
Identification for yourself and your children
1. birth certificates
2. social security cards (or numbers written on paper if you can't find the cards)
3. driver's license
4. photo identification or passports
5. welfare identification
6. green card
Important personal papers
1. marriage certificate
2. divorce papers
3. custody orders
4. legal protection or restraining orders
5. health insurance papers and medical cards
6. medical records for all family members
7. children's school records
8. investment papers/records and account numbers
9. work permits
10. immigration papers
11. rental agreement/lease or house deed
12. car title, registration, and insurance information
Funds
1. cash
2. credit cards
3. ATM card
4. checkbook and bankbook (with deposit slips)
Keys
1. house
2. car
3. safety deposit box or post office box
A way to communicate
1. phone calling card
2. cell phone
3. address book
Medications
1. at least 1 month's supply for all medicines you and your children are taking, as well as a copy of the prescriptions
A way to get by
1. jewelry or small objects you can sell, if you run out of money or stop having access to your accounts
Things to help you cope
1. pictures
2. keepsakes
3. children's small toys or books
Here are some helpful items to get together when you are planning on leaving an abusive situation. Keep these items in a safe place until you are ready to leave, or if you need to leave suddenly. If you have children, take them. And take your pets too (if you can).
Taken From: Abuse.com
Identification for yourself and your children
1. birth certificates
2. social security cards (or numbers written on paper if you can't find the cards)
3. driver's license
4. photo identification or passports
5. welfare identification
6. green card
Important personal papers
1. marriage certificate
2. divorce papers
3. custody orders
4. legal protection or restraining orders
5. health insurance papers and medical cards
6. medical records for all family members
7. children's school records
8. investment papers/records and account numbers
9. work permits
10. immigration papers
11. rental agreement/lease or house deed
12. car title, registration, and insurance information
Funds
1. cash
2. credit cards
3. ATM card
4. checkbook and bankbook (with deposit slips)
Keys
1. house
2. car
3. safety deposit box or post office box
A way to communicate
1. phone calling card
2. cell phone
3. address book
Medications
1. at least 1 month's supply for all medicines you and your children are taking, as well as a copy of the prescriptions
A way to get by
1. jewelry or small objects you can sell, if you run out of money or stop having access to your accounts
Things to help you cope
1. pictures
2. keepsakes
3. children's small toys or books
A course in miracles from Oprah.com
An individual body is physically small and vulnerable in relation to the rest of the universe, and so, since we think we are bodies, we experience ourselves as small and vulnerable. Living within the realization that we are much more than bodies, that we are spirits within the mind of God, expands the level of our awareness and places us outside the limitations of ordinary physical law. This correction of our perception, this Atonement, is our healing.
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Friday, May 30, 2008
Signs that you might be in an abusive relationship - www.Oprah.com
Verbal Abuse: How to Save Yourself
How to save yourself from a bad guy: an interview with author Patricia Evans.
By Annie Gottlieb
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
How many women think of that schoolyard rhyme while reeling from a partner's put-downs or angry outbursts? The rhyme's a lie, says Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Cruel words can do worse than break bones: They can break your spirit, cripple your confidence, even make you physically ill.
"This can happen to any woman, with any family background or career," she says. "It's happened to psychologists, lawyers, doctors, teachers, Web designers, mommies—even the director of a women's shelter." A woman falls into the trap because the abuse takes her by surprise. "He isn't abusive while he's courting you," Evans says. "But once he gets you, he switches—and you have no idea why."
Evans proposes a persuasive reason in her new book, Controlling People: An abuser needs to see you as his dream woman, an extension of himself—so the real, spontaneous, separate you becomes the enemy. That's why you get a double message: "I love you" ... "You bitch." And that's why verbal abuse is all about undermining and definining you.
Seven Signs You're In A Verbally Abusive Relationship
He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week. When you ask why he's mad, he either denies it or tells you it's in some way your fault.
When you feel hurt and try to talk with him, the issues never get resolved. He might refuse to discuss your upset feelings by saying, "You're just trying to start an argument!" or claiming he has no idea what you're talking about.
You frequently feel frustrated because you can't get him to understand your intentions.
You're upset—not so much about concrete issues like how much time to spend together, but about communication: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.
You sometimes think, "What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel so bad."
He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything, and his opinion isn't stated as, "I think ..." but as if you're wrong and he's right.
You can't recall saying, "Cut it out!" or "Stop it!"
How to save yourself from a bad guy: an interview with author Patricia Evans.
By Annie Gottlieb
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
How many women think of that schoolyard rhyme while reeling from a partner's put-downs or angry outbursts? The rhyme's a lie, says Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Cruel words can do worse than break bones: They can break your spirit, cripple your confidence, even make you physically ill.
"This can happen to any woman, with any family background or career," she says. "It's happened to psychologists, lawyers, doctors, teachers, Web designers, mommies—even the director of a women's shelter." A woman falls into the trap because the abuse takes her by surprise. "He isn't abusive while he's courting you," Evans says. "But once he gets you, he switches—and you have no idea why."
Evans proposes a persuasive reason in her new book, Controlling People: An abuser needs to see you as his dream woman, an extension of himself—so the real, spontaneous, separate you becomes the enemy. That's why you get a double message: "I love you" ... "You bitch." And that's why verbal abuse is all about undermining and definining you.
Seven Signs You're In A Verbally Abusive Relationship
He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week. When you ask why he's mad, he either denies it or tells you it's in some way your fault.
When you feel hurt and try to talk with him, the issues never get resolved. He might refuse to discuss your upset feelings by saying, "You're just trying to start an argument!" or claiming he has no idea what you're talking about.
You frequently feel frustrated because you can't get him to understand your intentions.
You're upset—not so much about concrete issues like how much time to spend together, but about communication: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.
You sometimes think, "What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel so bad."
He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything, and his opinion isn't stated as, "I think ..." but as if you're wrong and he's right.
You can't recall saying, "Cut it out!" or "Stop it!"
No one escapes the effects of abuse - www.Oprah.com
No One Escapes the Effects of Abuse
Dr. Steven Stosny explains that not only the the spouse, but everyone in a family is affected by emotional abuse.
Everyone in an abusive family loses some degree of dignity and autonomy (the ability to decide one's own thoughts, feelings and behavior).
At least half of victims, abusers and children in abusive families suffer from clinical anxiety and/or depression. ("Clinical" means that it interferes with normal functioning.)
Most victims, abusers and children lack genuine self-esteem.
Emotional abuse is usually more psychologically damaging than physical abuse.
Abuse tends to get worse without intervention from someone outside the family.
Witnessing abuse makes a child 10 times more likely to become either an abuser or a victim of abuse. As adults, they are at increased risk of alcoholism, criminality, mental health problems and poverty.
Symptoms of children in abusive families include one or more of the following: depression (looks like chronic boredom), anxiety, school problems, aggressiveness, hyperactivity, low self-esteem, over emotionality (anger, excitability or frequent crying) or no emotions at all.
Witnessing a parent victimized is usually more psychologically damaging to children than injuries from direct child abuse. Seeing a parent abused is child abuse.
Symptoms of victims and abusers often include one or more of the following:
-Trouble sleeping
-Frequent periods of sadness and crying
-Continual worry, anxiety or excessive anger
-Obsessions (thoughts you cant get out of your mind)
-Confusion/impaired decision-making.
How to Get Your Angry or Abusive Man to Change
I have been contacted by many men who saw the show on the emotional abuse of wives and have been inspired to seek help. But I must say that before the show, only a handful of the more than 4,000 angry and abusive men I have treated sought help on their own, without their wives or the courts pressuring them. That's because their addiction to blame makes them think that they are merely reacting to everybody else.
The hard fact is, you may have to leave your husband to motivate him to change. If he is violent or threatens violence, call the police or file for a civil protection order. (Most communities have domestic violence hotlines to help you.) Leaving or calling the police may seem drastic, but they are the most compassionate things you can do. Your tough-love demands are likely to be the only way to help him stop the behavior that makes him lose his humanity as he harms you and your children.
More from Dr. Stosny
You are not the cause of his anger and abuse
How to know if your spouse is willing to change
How do you know your spouse has changed?
Simple ways to reconnect with your spouse
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Founder, CompassionPower
www.compassionpower.com
Books:
Manual of the Core Value Workshop
The Powerful Self: A Workbook of Therapeutic Self-Empowerment
Dr. Steven Stosny explains that not only the the spouse, but everyone in a family is affected by emotional abuse.
Everyone in an abusive family loses some degree of dignity and autonomy (the ability to decide one's own thoughts, feelings and behavior).
At least half of victims, abusers and children in abusive families suffer from clinical anxiety and/or depression. ("Clinical" means that it interferes with normal functioning.)
Most victims, abusers and children lack genuine self-esteem.
Emotional abuse is usually more psychologically damaging than physical abuse.
Abuse tends to get worse without intervention from someone outside the family.
Witnessing abuse makes a child 10 times more likely to become either an abuser or a victim of abuse. As adults, they are at increased risk of alcoholism, criminality, mental health problems and poverty.
Symptoms of children in abusive families include one or more of the following: depression (looks like chronic boredom), anxiety, school problems, aggressiveness, hyperactivity, low self-esteem, over emotionality (anger, excitability or frequent crying) or no emotions at all.
Witnessing a parent victimized is usually more psychologically damaging to children than injuries from direct child abuse. Seeing a parent abused is child abuse.
Symptoms of victims and abusers often include one or more of the following:
-Trouble sleeping
-Frequent periods of sadness and crying
-Continual worry, anxiety or excessive anger
-Obsessions (thoughts you cant get out of your mind)
-Confusion/impaired decision-making.
How to Get Your Angry or Abusive Man to Change
I have been contacted by many men who saw the show on the emotional abuse of wives and have been inspired to seek help. But I must say that before the show, only a handful of the more than 4,000 angry and abusive men I have treated sought help on their own, without their wives or the courts pressuring them. That's because their addiction to blame makes them think that they are merely reacting to everybody else.
The hard fact is, you may have to leave your husband to motivate him to change. If he is violent or threatens violence, call the police or file for a civil protection order. (Most communities have domestic violence hotlines to help you.) Leaving or calling the police may seem drastic, but they are the most compassionate things you can do. Your tough-love demands are likely to be the only way to help him stop the behavior that makes him lose his humanity as he harms you and your children.
More from Dr. Stosny
You are not the cause of his anger and abuse
How to know if your spouse is willing to change
How do you know your spouse has changed?
Simple ways to reconnect with your spouse
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Founder, CompassionPower
www.compassionpower.com
Books:
Manual of the Core Value Workshop
The Powerful Self: A Workbook of Therapeutic Self-Empowerment
You are not the cause of his anger or abuse - www.Oprah.com
You Are Not the Cause of His Anger or Abuse
Anger in relationships is about blame: "I feel bad, and it's your fault." Even when he recognizes his anger, he'll blame it on you: "You push my buttons," or, "I might have overreacted, but I'm human, and look what you did!"
Angry and controlling husbands are very anxious by temperament. From the time they were young children, they've had a more or less constant sense of dread that things will go badly and they will fail to cope. So they try to control their environment to avoid that terrible feeling of failure and inadequacy. But the cause of their anxiety is with them, not in their environment.
The sole purpose of your husband's anger and abusive behavior is to defend himself from feeling like a failure, especially as a:
Protector
Provider
Lover
Parent
In truth, most men feel inadequate about relationships. We learn to feel adequate by providing what all relationships require: support and compassion.
The Silent Abuser
Not all emotional abuse takes the form of shouting or criticism. More common forms are "stonewalling" and "disengaging." The man who stonewalls does not overtly put you down. Nevertheless, he punishes you for disagreeing with him by refusing to even think about your perspective.
The disengaging husband says, "Do whatever you want, just leave me alone." He is often a workaholic, couch potato, womanizer, or obsessive about sports or some other activity. He tries to deal with his inadequacy about relationships by just not trying.
Both stonewalling and disengaging tactics can make you feel:
Unseen and unheard in your marriage
Unattractive
Like you don't count
Like a single parent
What All Forms of Abuse Have in Common
Whether overt or silent, all forms of abuse are failures of compassion; he stops caring about how you feel. Compassion is the lifeblood of marriage and failure of compassion is the heart disease.
It actually would be less hurtful if your husband never cared about how you felt. But when you were falling in love, he cared a great deal. So now it feels like betrayal when he doesn't care or try to understand. It feels like he's not the person you married.
Unlike love, which masks the differences between people, compassion makes us sensitive to the individual strengths and vulnerabilities of other people. It lets us appreciate our differences. Love without the sensitivity of compassion is:
Rejecting (who you really are as a person)
Possessive
Controlling
Dangerous
Harmful Adaptations to Anger and Abuse
The most insidious aspect of abuse is not the obvious nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It's the adaptations you make to try to prevent those painful episodes. Many women engage in constant self-editing and self-criticism to keep from "pushing his buttons." Emotionally abused women can second guess themselves so much that they can lose themselves in a deep hole.
More from Dr. Stosny
No one escapes the effects of abuse
How to know if your spouse is willing to change
How do you know your spouse has changed?
Simple ways to reconnect with your spouse
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Founder, CompassionPower
www.compassionpower.com
Books referenced:
Manual of the Core Value Workshop
The Powerful Self: A Workbook of Therapeutic Self-Empowerment
Anger in relationships is about blame: "I feel bad, and it's your fault." Even when he recognizes his anger, he'll blame it on you: "You push my buttons," or, "I might have overreacted, but I'm human, and look what you did!"
Angry and controlling husbands are very anxious by temperament. From the time they were young children, they've had a more or less constant sense of dread that things will go badly and they will fail to cope. So they try to control their environment to avoid that terrible feeling of failure and inadequacy. But the cause of their anxiety is with them, not in their environment.
The sole purpose of your husband's anger and abusive behavior is to defend himself from feeling like a failure, especially as a:
Protector
Provider
Lover
Parent
In truth, most men feel inadequate about relationships. We learn to feel adequate by providing what all relationships require: support and compassion.
The Silent Abuser
Not all emotional abuse takes the form of shouting or criticism. More common forms are "stonewalling" and "disengaging." The man who stonewalls does not overtly put you down. Nevertheless, he punishes you for disagreeing with him by refusing to even think about your perspective.
The disengaging husband says, "Do whatever you want, just leave me alone." He is often a workaholic, couch potato, womanizer, or obsessive about sports or some other activity. He tries to deal with his inadequacy about relationships by just not trying.
Both stonewalling and disengaging tactics can make you feel:
Unseen and unheard in your marriage
Unattractive
Like you don't count
Like a single parent
What All Forms of Abuse Have in Common
Whether overt or silent, all forms of abuse are failures of compassion; he stops caring about how you feel. Compassion is the lifeblood of marriage and failure of compassion is the heart disease.
It actually would be less hurtful if your husband never cared about how you felt. But when you were falling in love, he cared a great deal. So now it feels like betrayal when he doesn't care or try to understand. It feels like he's not the person you married.
Unlike love, which masks the differences between people, compassion makes us sensitive to the individual strengths and vulnerabilities of other people. It lets us appreciate our differences. Love without the sensitivity of compassion is:
Rejecting (who you really are as a person)
Possessive
Controlling
Dangerous
Harmful Adaptations to Anger and Abuse
The most insidious aspect of abuse is not the obvious nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It's the adaptations you make to try to prevent those painful episodes. Many women engage in constant self-editing and self-criticism to keep from "pushing his buttons." Emotionally abused women can second guess themselves so much that they can lose themselves in a deep hole.
More from Dr. Stosny
No one escapes the effects of abuse
How to know if your spouse is willing to change
How do you know your spouse has changed?
Simple ways to reconnect with your spouse
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Founder, CompassionPower
www.compassionpower.com
Books referenced:
Manual of the Core Value Workshop
The Powerful Self: A Workbook of Therapeutic Self-Empowerment
Look me in the eye
"One of the best personal odyssey stories I have ever read"
Dr. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love
Caryl's Story of Abuse Love addiction is every bit as addictive as any narcotic; ask me, I have been there. I knew I couldn’t stay in an unhappy, abusive and destructive marriage. I didn’t just love my husband; I was obsessed with him. I believed that if I stayed and loved him enough, he would change—but I was wrong.
All addictions escalate and can result in death—mine was no different. Broken bones and a broken heart, private clinics and prison, would not stop me from going back, time and again for more of the same. I falsely believed I was powerless to leave.
Out on the street with no money, without work and nowhere to go, after a failed third marriage, I didn’t make the choice to leave—but I did make the choice to survive.
I chose to learn and understand the nature of domestic violence, its root and its cure.
All addictions are ‘one day at a time’ journeys to recovery—join me on mine.
"This is a story that I will never forget"
Alison, author of I Have Life
This amazing tale of surviving abuse retails for R165.00 plus postage.
For more information on this book, or her inspirational public speaking workshops against abuse please contact Caryl by clicking here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
To buy this amazing book please click here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Caryl’s story is a rare gift to our society as it provides an insight into an epidemic that brews behind closed doors in more homes than we would care to imagine.
If statistics are accurate (the prevalence of abuse is much higher because domestic violence is notoriously under-reported), then a quarter of the female population in South Africa suffers abuse at home every week.
In fact, 80% of violence that women suffer is at the hands of the men who supposedly love them.
This is already affecting our community on a daily basis and society as a whole needs to take up Caryl’s mantra of ‘Abuse is No Excuse’ if we care at all for our humanity.
Few understand the nature or the power of abuse.
I have never understood why someone would ‘choose’ to stay in an ongoing abusive relationship.
However, in reading Caryl’s story, she has enabled me to put myself in her place and I have to wonder if I would have been able to do it any differently given her history and her reality.
This is the gift that Caryl brings us with her story and the honest way in which it is told—she makes it possible for us to move outside of ourselves and our own realities, judgments and prejudices so that we are able to walk the journey of another.
This is a rare opportunity for us to truly ‘live’ the life of a victim of abuse and to understand—from a safe vantage point—the powerlessness, hopelessness and desperation.
Review by Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Victimhood is an objective state of being - but, undoubtedly, also a subjective state of mind. The author's tumultuous and tortured life led her to this epiphany which allowed her to embark on a process of self-empowerment and healing.
The book is not for the faint-hearted or the politically correct. It mercilessly explores in excruciating detail the fraught relationships between men and women, codependents and narcissists, society and victims, and therapists and "clients". The author holds nothing back: date rapes, addictions, domestic violence, incapacitating fears, warts and all. It is this candor that endears her to the reader. Early on in the book, we come to empathize with her and are rendered eager to join her in her voyage of self-discovery.
Rare in such confessionals, the author has never shut herself off from the big wide world out there. Her narrative is deliciously embedded in the story of her country, South Africa, its race relations, and the ancient wisdom possessed by its inhabitants. The book opens with a thinly-veiled metaphor:
news about the tsunami in Thailand reverberate with the author's own quaking self and (third) marriage. Throughout this harrowing time the world and its representatives intrude, at times helpful, mostly obstructive and mean.
Having defied incredible odds, the author emerges, in front of the readers'
astonished gaze, as a beautiful, self-confident, mature, and self-aware woman. She shares the wealth of her experience by simply telling a story that is bound to captivate, infuriate, and educate. One of the best personal odyssey books I have ever read.
I GOT FLOWERS
We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......
If you are against domestic abuse, please pass this along to everybody, NOT just women. Abuse affects us all. Do your part to stamp out abuse.
Dr. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love
Caryl's Story of Abuse Love addiction is every bit as addictive as any narcotic; ask me, I have been there. I knew I couldn’t stay in an unhappy, abusive and destructive marriage. I didn’t just love my husband; I was obsessed with him. I believed that if I stayed and loved him enough, he would change—but I was wrong.
All addictions escalate and can result in death—mine was no different. Broken bones and a broken heart, private clinics and prison, would not stop me from going back, time and again for more of the same. I falsely believed I was powerless to leave.
Out on the street with no money, without work and nowhere to go, after a failed third marriage, I didn’t make the choice to leave—but I did make the choice to survive.
I chose to learn and understand the nature of domestic violence, its root and its cure.
All addictions are ‘one day at a time’ journeys to recovery—join me on mine.
"This is a story that I will never forget"
Alison, author of I Have Life
This amazing tale of surviving abuse retails for R165.00 plus postage.
For more information on this book, or her inspirational public speaking workshops against abuse please contact Caryl by clicking here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
To buy this amazing book please click here. www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Caryl’s story is a rare gift to our society as it provides an insight into an epidemic that brews behind closed doors in more homes than we would care to imagine.
If statistics are accurate (the prevalence of abuse is much higher because domestic violence is notoriously under-reported), then a quarter of the female population in South Africa suffers abuse at home every week.
In fact, 80% of violence that women suffer is at the hands of the men who supposedly love them.
This is already affecting our community on a daily basis and society as a whole needs to take up Caryl’s mantra of ‘Abuse is No Excuse’ if we care at all for our humanity.
Few understand the nature or the power of abuse.
I have never understood why someone would ‘choose’ to stay in an ongoing abusive relationship.
However, in reading Caryl’s story, she has enabled me to put myself in her place and I have to wonder if I would have been able to do it any differently given her history and her reality.
This is the gift that Caryl brings us with her story and the honest way in which it is told—she makes it possible for us to move outside of ourselves and our own realities, judgments and prejudices so that we are able to walk the journey of another.
This is a rare opportunity for us to truly ‘live’ the life of a victim of abuse and to understand—from a safe vantage point—the powerlessness, hopelessness and desperation.
Review by Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Victimhood is an objective state of being - but, undoubtedly, also a subjective state of mind. The author's tumultuous and tortured life led her to this epiphany which allowed her to embark on a process of self-empowerment and healing.
The book is not for the faint-hearted or the politically correct. It mercilessly explores in excruciating detail the fraught relationships between men and women, codependents and narcissists, society and victims, and therapists and "clients". The author holds nothing back: date rapes, addictions, domestic violence, incapacitating fears, warts and all. It is this candor that endears her to the reader. Early on in the book, we come to empathize with her and are rendered eager to join her in her voyage of self-discovery.
Rare in such confessionals, the author has never shut herself off from the big wide world out there. Her narrative is deliciously embedded in the story of her country, South Africa, its race relations, and the ancient wisdom possessed by its inhabitants. The book opens with a thinly-veiled metaphor:
news about the tsunami in Thailand reverberate with the author's own quaking self and (third) marriage. Throughout this harrowing time the world and its representatives intrude, at times helpful, mostly obstructive and mean.
Having defied incredible odds, the author emerges, in front of the readers'
astonished gaze, as a beautiful, self-confident, mature, and self-aware woman. She shares the wealth of her experience by simply telling a story that is bound to captivate, infuriate, and educate. One of the best personal odyssey books I have ever read.
I GOT FLOWERS
We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......
If you are against domestic abuse, please pass this along to everybody, NOT just women. Abuse affects us all. Do your part to stamp out abuse.
Caryl Wyatt's story
I am Caryl Wyatt, a middle-aged woman from the Northern Suburbs of Johannesburg. In the past, I have spoken publicly about my struggle with bulimia and I am no newcomer to the therapeutic power contained in the interaction between speaker and listeners.
It is this knowledge that inspired me to gather the courage and break silence about the violently abusive marriage I was trapped in for 15 years.
I had been beaten up many times. I had broken bones, blue eyes, split lips, grazed flesh, many “visits” to the hospital, to the lawyers, to the police station, isolation and treatment for depression - and still I would go back for more!
Through my own life experience I have become painfully aware of the fact that there are sadly many, many more women caught up in this macabre dance than we care to admit. They are rendered powerless by an awful paradox - they are afraid to loose their “security”; and at the same time it is their provider that threatens their lives.
I have also come to realize that neither the educated doctors who have attended to my injuries over the years, nor the divorce attorneys, seem to understand the nature of this beast. These professionals are the ones that women like me reach out to.
My quest for a “cure” lead me to do much research on the subject and brought me to the ironic realization that you alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.
In September 2006 I launched the Abuse is no Excuse campaign with my website, www.abusenoexcuse.co.za. The site is intended to support, educate and give hope to women who are trapped in abusive relationships. It contains a message forum for users to communicate with each other, and several links to other relevant sites. My own story is posted on the site as Carleedancer and my book LOOK ME IN THE EYE is available both in Exclusive book stores around the country and on the website.
Other services that I offer in this regard are:
Public Speaking:
I make myself available to tell my story to as many audiences as possible, in the effort to remove the culturally induced stigma of domestic violence and abusive relationships amongst the middle to upper income group. It’s not a shame – it is a mistake. Denial is the real killer in the end. In the corporate world, the subject is ‘ Coping with domestic turmoil when talking to working people’.
Therapeutic Journaling Workshops:
As part of my own recovery process, I learnt the skill of creating mental and emotional health through journaling. I offer workshops to teach participants a creative way of responding to their given situations. These workshops are also available to Corporate and have great value in helping people to become more aware of them selves and achieve balance in both their personal and professional lives. We all know about goal setting and visualization but few people know the value of journaling and how it can help us make all our dreams a reality.
For more information, please contact Caryl. caryl@abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
It is this knowledge that inspired me to gather the courage and break silence about the violently abusive marriage I was trapped in for 15 years.
I had been beaten up many times. I had broken bones, blue eyes, split lips, grazed flesh, many “visits” to the hospital, to the lawyers, to the police station, isolation and treatment for depression - and still I would go back for more!
Through my own life experience I have become painfully aware of the fact that there are sadly many, many more women caught up in this macabre dance than we care to admit. They are rendered powerless by an awful paradox - they are afraid to loose their “security”; and at the same time it is their provider that threatens their lives.
I have also come to realize that neither the educated doctors who have attended to my injuries over the years, nor the divorce attorneys, seem to understand the nature of this beast. These professionals are the ones that women like me reach out to.
My quest for a “cure” lead me to do much research on the subject and brought me to the ironic realization that you alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.
In September 2006 I launched the Abuse is no Excuse campaign with my website, www.abusenoexcuse.co.za. The site is intended to support, educate and give hope to women who are trapped in abusive relationships. It contains a message forum for users to communicate with each other, and several links to other relevant sites. My own story is posted on the site as Carleedancer and my book LOOK ME IN THE EYE is available both in Exclusive book stores around the country and on the website.
Other services that I offer in this regard are:
Public Speaking:
I make myself available to tell my story to as many audiences as possible, in the effort to remove the culturally induced stigma of domestic violence and abusive relationships amongst the middle to upper income group. It’s not a shame – it is a mistake. Denial is the real killer in the end. In the corporate world, the subject is ‘ Coping with domestic turmoil when talking to working people’.
Therapeutic Journaling Workshops:
As part of my own recovery process, I learnt the skill of creating mental and emotional health through journaling. I offer workshops to teach participants a creative way of responding to their given situations. These workshops are also available to Corporate and have great value in helping people to become more aware of them selves and achieve balance in both their personal and professional lives. We all know about goal setting and visualization but few people know the value of journaling and how it can help us make all our dreams a reality.
For more information, please contact Caryl. caryl@abuseisnoexcuse.co.za
Things we need... please donate
We need the following donations please:
Pajamas for the ladies and children
Toiletries like soap, face cloth, cream, tooth paste and tooth brushes, deodarant
Cleaning products for the house
These products can be dropped off for my attention at Postnet Montague Gardens, John Montague Centre, Montague Drive, Montague Gardens, Milnerton, Cape Town, 7441.
Many thanks.
Vania van Dalen
www.bondapply.com
Pajamas for the ladies and children
Toiletries like soap, face cloth, cream, tooth paste and tooth brushes, deodarant
Cleaning products for the house
These products can be dropped off for my attention at Postnet Montague Gardens, John Montague Centre, Montague Drive, Montague Gardens, Milnerton, Cape Town, 7441.
Many thanks.
Vania van Dalen
www.bondapply.com
Motivational quote
"Beyond pitch darkness, I look not with my eyes but I do see through my heart. I am not different; I am just a bit apart. I have seen, and not seen, the sunshine and moonlight, still I aspire to inspire, to feel light beyond pitch dark.
I will outperform beyond fathomless capacity. Sometimes I do not need to give sympathy, just a bit of empathy, that would help to light another person's way ..."
I will outperform beyond fathomless capacity. Sometimes I do not need to give sympathy, just a bit of empathy, that would help to light another person's way ..."
Letter from Adri Klindt
Dit word algemeen aanvaar dat ons samelewing gebuk gaan onder ekonomies sosiale euwels wat in verskeie en omvangryke vorms manifesteer. Hierdie toestande is dikwels endemies van aard en dit het elke inwoner se verantwoordelikheid geword om betrokke te raak in die bestryding daarvan.
Die SOS Trust is deur Durbanville Besigheid, die sakekamer in Durbanville, gestig as ‘n instrument om sy sosiale verantwoordelikheid na te kom.
Die doel van die trust is om op ‘n positiewe en volhoubare wyse ‘n invloed uit te oefen op die lewenskwaliteit en ekonomiese welstand van sy begunstigdes.
Ek wil hiermee dan ‘n vriendelike versoek aan u rig om my hand in ons eerste projek te vat. Ons het tans ons eerste huis gehuur waar ons vroue en hul kinders uit ons eie gemeenskap en wat blootgestel is aan huishoudelike geweld en verkragting vir ‘n tydperk van gemiddeld 4 maande sal kan huisves. Ons doelwit is om hierdie vroue weer op te hef en gereed te maak vir die samelewing waar hulle met trots ook weer ‘n verskil kan maak.
Aangesien hierdie projek vir my ‘n Goddelike roeping is, vertrou ek dat u harte met deernis gevul sal wees, en sien ek daarna uit om eersdaags met u ‘n afspraak te maak om meer te vertel van Durbanville Besigheid en die SOS Trust se eerste gemeenskapsprojek.
Vriendelike groete
Adri Klindt
083 564 3313
adri@profinsolutions.co.za
Trustee SOS Trust &
Bestuurslid Durbanville Besigheid
Die SOS Trust is deur Durbanville Besigheid, die sakekamer in Durbanville, gestig as ‘n instrument om sy sosiale verantwoordelikheid na te kom.
Die doel van die trust is om op ‘n positiewe en volhoubare wyse ‘n invloed uit te oefen op die lewenskwaliteit en ekonomiese welstand van sy begunstigdes.
Ek wil hiermee dan ‘n vriendelike versoek aan u rig om my hand in ons eerste projek te vat. Ons het tans ons eerste huis gehuur waar ons vroue en hul kinders uit ons eie gemeenskap en wat blootgestel is aan huishoudelike geweld en verkragting vir ‘n tydperk van gemiddeld 4 maande sal kan huisves. Ons doelwit is om hierdie vroue weer op te hef en gereed te maak vir die samelewing waar hulle met trots ook weer ‘n verskil kan maak.
Aangesien hierdie projek vir my ‘n Goddelike roeping is, vertrou ek dat u harte met deernis gevul sal wees, en sien ek daarna uit om eersdaags met u ‘n afspraak te maak om meer te vertel van Durbanville Besigheid en die SOS Trust se eerste gemeenskapsprojek.
Vriendelike groete
Adri Klindt
083 564 3313
adri@profinsolutions.co.za
Trustee SOS Trust &
Bestuurslid Durbanville Besigheid
Letter from Adri Klindt
Dis wonderlik hoe dinge net gebeur en besef ek net elke dag dat hierdie nie net 'n sakekamer projek is nie, maar dat Jesus hier in die middel staan.
Die afgelope 4 jaar het ek al reeds probeer om 'n veilige huis van die grond te kry, maar die sisteme en stelsels het altyd 'n stok in die speek gewees. Met Riaan de Lange van Durbanville Besigheid en De Lange Prokureurs se hulp wat vir ons die Trustakte opgestel het en aansoek gedoen het vir die NPO nommer het dinge begin waar raak.
Met 'n bietjie geld wat ons van die Stad Kaapstad gekry het, was ons by magte om ons eerste huis te huur en weg te spring...
Wel die projek..... hier gaan dit spesifiek om vroue en hul kinders wat blootgestel word aan huishoudelike geweld in ons gemeenskap te kan help, ek het altyd aan die projek as 'n deurgangshuis gedink, maw kry haar uit die huis, kry 'n interdik, en help haar vir die volgende 3 of 5 dae.
Ek het gou besef dit sal seker die grootste fout wees om dit so te doen, ons het met die min ander organisasies in die Weskaap kers opgesteek (daar is maar net 7 ordentlike plekke in die hele Weskaap) en gesien dat so 'n vrou en haar kinders vir ten minste 3 tot 5 maande gehuisves moet word. Dis nodig om haar te help om haar op te hef, en gereed te maak om haar plek weer vol te staan as iemand wat 'n verskil aan haar en haar kinders se lewe kan maak. Maw ons gaan haar help om werk te kry, dalk opleiding te ondergaan en gereed te maak vir die lewe daar buite. Die huis wat ons tans het is baie groot en kan ons 26 vroue en hul kinders huisves.
Dis jammer dat dit die samelewing se plig geword het om betrokke te raak, tog glo ek dis wat van ons verwag word. Ons moet na mekaar omsien, die lewe is maar kort en is ons met 'n doel hier op aarde.
Die projek lê my na aan die hart omdat ek vriendinne het wat vasgevang was in 'n geweldadige huwelik en nie kon uit nie, hul selfbeeld word afgebreek en glo hul dat dit die lewe is, daar was vir hulle geen plek om heen te gaan nie.
As jy dit op jou hart het om in die toekoms as vrywilliger te help, sal ek bly wees en jou op my lysie sit, dit beteken dat ek jou dalk kan nodig hê om miskien af en toe af te los, dalk kan jy die vroue motiveer deur iets wat jy op die hart het, of dalk handwerk of rekenaar klasse aanbied..... daar is so baie.
Op die stadium is finansies seker maar die grootste probleem, ons doen hier absoluut 'n geloofstaak en glo dat dit die Here se projek is en dat Hy sal voorsien.
Ons het ook 'n debietorder stelsel nou in werking waar persone maandeliks 'n geldjie kan gee soos hul hart spreek of eenmalig iets inbetaal.
Indien jy weet van persone of instansies wat ek kan kontak vir fondse sal ek so bly wees as jy my van hul kan sê.
Wel ons bankbesonderhede is as volg:
SOS TRUST
ABSA takkode 334810
Rekening nommer 4070981810
Adri Klindt
083 564 3313
adri@profinsolutions.co.za
Die afgelope 4 jaar het ek al reeds probeer om 'n veilige huis van die grond te kry, maar die sisteme en stelsels het altyd 'n stok in die speek gewees. Met Riaan de Lange van Durbanville Besigheid en De Lange Prokureurs se hulp wat vir ons die Trustakte opgestel het en aansoek gedoen het vir die NPO nommer het dinge begin waar raak.
Met 'n bietjie geld wat ons van die Stad Kaapstad gekry het, was ons by magte om ons eerste huis te huur en weg te spring...
Wel die projek..... hier gaan dit spesifiek om vroue en hul kinders wat blootgestel word aan huishoudelike geweld in ons gemeenskap te kan help, ek het altyd aan die projek as 'n deurgangshuis gedink, maw kry haar uit die huis, kry 'n interdik, en help haar vir die volgende 3 of 5 dae.
Ek het gou besef dit sal seker die grootste fout wees om dit so te doen, ons het met die min ander organisasies in die Weskaap kers opgesteek (daar is maar net 7 ordentlike plekke in die hele Weskaap) en gesien dat so 'n vrou en haar kinders vir ten minste 3 tot 5 maande gehuisves moet word. Dis nodig om haar te help om haar op te hef, en gereed te maak om haar plek weer vol te staan as iemand wat 'n verskil aan haar en haar kinders se lewe kan maak. Maw ons gaan haar help om werk te kry, dalk opleiding te ondergaan en gereed te maak vir die lewe daar buite. Die huis wat ons tans het is baie groot en kan ons 26 vroue en hul kinders huisves.
Dis jammer dat dit die samelewing se plig geword het om betrokke te raak, tog glo ek dis wat van ons verwag word. Ons moet na mekaar omsien, die lewe is maar kort en is ons met 'n doel hier op aarde.
Die projek lê my na aan die hart omdat ek vriendinne het wat vasgevang was in 'n geweldadige huwelik en nie kon uit nie, hul selfbeeld word afgebreek en glo hul dat dit die lewe is, daar was vir hulle geen plek om heen te gaan nie.
As jy dit op jou hart het om in die toekoms as vrywilliger te help, sal ek bly wees en jou op my lysie sit, dit beteken dat ek jou dalk kan nodig hê om miskien af en toe af te los, dalk kan jy die vroue motiveer deur iets wat jy op die hart het, of dalk handwerk of rekenaar klasse aanbied..... daar is so baie.
Op die stadium is finansies seker maar die grootste probleem, ons doen hier absoluut 'n geloofstaak en glo dat dit die Here se projek is en dat Hy sal voorsien.
Ons het ook 'n debietorder stelsel nou in werking waar persone maandeliks 'n geldjie kan gee soos hul hart spreek of eenmalig iets inbetaal.
Indien jy weet van persone of instansies wat ek kan kontak vir fondse sal ek so bly wees as jy my van hul kan sê.
Wel ons bankbesonderhede is as volg:
SOS TRUST
ABSA takkode 334810
Rekening nommer 4070981810
Adri Klindt
083 564 3313
adri@profinsolutions.co.za
Huis van veiligheid vir vroue en kinders
Dit word algemeen aanvaar dat ons samelewing gebuk gaan onder ekonomies sosiale euwels wat in verskeie vorms manifesteer. Dit is dikwels endemies van aard en dit het elke inwoner se verantwoordelikheid geword om betrokke te raak in die bestyding daarvan. Die SOS Trust is deur Durbanville Besigheid, die sakekamer in Durbanville, gestig as 'n instrument om sy sosiale verantwoordelikheid na te kom.
Ek wil hiermee dan 'n vriendelike versoek aan u rig om my hand in ons gemeenskapsprojek te vat. Ons is tans besig om ons eerste huis te begin waar ons vroue en hul kinders uit ons eie gemeenskap wat blootgestel is aan huishoudelike geweld en mishandeling vir 'n tydperk van gemiddeld 4 maande sal kan huisves. Ons doelwit is om hierdie vroue uit hul omstandighede te neem en gereed te maak vir die samelewing waar hul met trots weer 'n verskil sal kan maak, deur berading, godsdienstige versorging en die aanleer van lewensvaardighede. Die aktiwiteite en identiteit van die inwoners word as vertroulik beskou, asook die fisiese adres van die huis.
Ek wil u dus versoek om u harte oop te maak vir die projek en my te kontak indien u ons kan help met huishoudelike artikels soos, yskaste, vrieskaste, 'n mikrogolfoond, eetkamerstel, tuinstelle, 'n wasmasjien, linne, eetgerei, kombuisgereedskap, toiletware ens. Kinderspeelgoed, ‘n klimraam, bordspeletjies en boeke sal ook baie waardeer word. Aangesien die SOS Trust as 'n NPO geregistreer is kan kontant donasies dan ook van belasting verhaal word.
Enige persoon wat dalk wil betrokke raak deur kunslesse, naaldwerkklasse of enige stokperdjie aan te bied kan my ook skakel. U kan ook help met die administrasie, of net deur ‘n vriendin vir ‘n vrou te wees of ‘n bordspeletjie met die kinders te speel.
Kontak my asb as u ons hiermee wil help of betrokke wil raak by die projek.
Groete
Adri Klindt (trustee)
0835643313
adri@sostrust.co.za
Ek wil hiermee dan 'n vriendelike versoek aan u rig om my hand in ons gemeenskapsprojek te vat. Ons is tans besig om ons eerste huis te begin waar ons vroue en hul kinders uit ons eie gemeenskap wat blootgestel is aan huishoudelike geweld en mishandeling vir 'n tydperk van gemiddeld 4 maande sal kan huisves. Ons doelwit is om hierdie vroue uit hul omstandighede te neem en gereed te maak vir die samelewing waar hul met trots weer 'n verskil sal kan maak, deur berading, godsdienstige versorging en die aanleer van lewensvaardighede. Die aktiwiteite en identiteit van die inwoners word as vertroulik beskou, asook die fisiese adres van die huis.
Ek wil u dus versoek om u harte oop te maak vir die projek en my te kontak indien u ons kan help met huishoudelike artikels soos, yskaste, vrieskaste, 'n mikrogolfoond, eetkamerstel, tuinstelle, 'n wasmasjien, linne, eetgerei, kombuisgereedskap, toiletware ens. Kinderspeelgoed, ‘n klimraam, bordspeletjies en boeke sal ook baie waardeer word. Aangesien die SOS Trust as 'n NPO geregistreer is kan kontant donasies dan ook van belasting verhaal word.
Enige persoon wat dalk wil betrokke raak deur kunslesse, naaldwerkklasse of enige stokperdjie aan te bied kan my ook skakel. U kan ook help met die administrasie, of net deur ‘n vriendin vir ‘n vrou te wees of ‘n bordspeletjie met die kinders te speel.
Kontak my asb as u ons hiermee wil help of betrokke wil raak by die projek.
Groete
Adri Klindt (trustee)
0835643313
adri@sostrust.co.za
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